


Bonds of War

by KittenKin



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Multi, Post Series, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-09
Updated: 2012-12-18
Packaged: 2017-11-15 23:06:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittenKin/pseuds/KittenKin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>War interrupts Fai's happily-ever-after. Torn apart from Kurogane, Fai finds - and gives - comfort in an unexpected way.</p><p>Fai is paired with both Kurogane and Kurogane's father but while there's definitely sex, there's no adultery, and no character death either. Diverges from canon in that Kurogane's parents are alive. Please see the notes section if you wish to know the details on how this slots in to the storyline of Tsubasa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Fai had learned the language and daily routine of his beloved's country and submerged himself in its culture as best as one so foreign-born and -raised as he was could hope to do, but there were still many things he was not well versed in. History was largely a blank to him, save for that which interested him personally; the rise of Shirasagi-jou, the establishment of the Suwa province, and the entire lineage of the guardian line that had so long ruled that province from its progenitors to its current generation. His knowledge of geography was equal to his mastery of history; he knew the province he lived in, was decently familiar with the most powerful territories, and understood everything else in a vague, foggy sort of way.

Religion was also a misty grey area with a bright little island in the middle. Tying a sacred knot of union to formally join his beloved's family had only been the first of many ceremonies he had learned, and by now the little moments of reverence and gestures of respect paid to the ten thousand gods of the land were soaked into his thoughts and bones, just as much a part of him as his foreign looks and the everlasting love that burned in his heart for this land and the family that had taken him in, and most of all the dark-haired, red-eyed man who had scorned him and saved him and then brought him - _gave_ him a - home. But though the family he now belonged to was good-hearted and devout, they were not super-religious, and there were many intricacies of their belief system that he would have been glad to know more about.

For instance, Fai was curious as to what level of hell he might be earning himself a room in right now, for lusting after his father-in-law.

In his defense - his pitiful, pathetically whimpering defense - it had been four months since he'd last seen Kurogane and after three beautiful, sensual, robe-wrecking, pillow-biting, door-breaking years of non-stop sex, this sudden dry spell was absolutely intolerable just from a purely physical standpoint. The anguish of never knowing from one moment to the next whether Kurogane was still even _alive_ made the torment nearly unbearable.

\- - - - -

They had been called to war to defend their fair country, and when duty called, the members of the Kurogane family - of which Fai was now counted as one - always answered. Invaders from another continent far to the north had rushed upon their shores in staggering numbers and to make things worse, had summoners among their numbers who could raise up demons to swell the ranks of their foot soldiers. The entire country had risen up at the Mikado's call to arms, and the southern reach of Amaterasu's empire had been emptied of almost every priest and able-bodied man, only leaving enough reserves to hold off surprise attacks from another direction for long enough to re-deploy men and re-distribute supplies if necessary.

There had been no stalemates, not peace talks, no drawn-out cat and mouse games thus far. The enemy threw sheer numbers and dark horrors at them with little finesse, and the Mikado and the Tsukuyomi met them at every brutal thrust with an artful parry and deadly counterstrike. It had been an all-out, all-in fight that never ebbed in its ferocity, and while Nihon was slowly but surely winning the war, the enemy seemed determined to fight to the last man - or demon - and every day brought in new casualties. After four months, everyone was certain that victory would be theirs before the autumn rains, but while battles were being won, lives were still being lost. As if fearful that Fate was waiting for the choicest, cruelest moment to strike, Fai's fear of Kurogane dying grew at the same rate as everyone else's hope of the dual-fronted war ending.

Beside the main theater of war along the northerneastern coastline where the Mikado was fighting for her empire, Princess Tomoyo was leading a fight against the summoners and demons that were concentrated near the capital, her small army consisting mostly of priests and priestesses who fought with magic instead of blades. Kurogane was of course by her side to provide more solid support along with the bulk of the ninja, who were better equipped and trained than common soldiers to deal with enemies possessed of such superhuman strength and speed. The Mikado's army, which was battling mostly common soldiers, was comprised largely of swordsmen and lancers and archers all determined to push the invading horde back into the sea to retreat or drown as they would, and it was to this larger army that the Lord of Suwa was attached.

The argument about which red-eyed, dark-haired warrior Fai would accompany had been painful but short and to-the-point. Quick and brutal. So Kurogane.

\- - - - -

"What do you mean, 'no you're not'?! Of course I'm going with you!" Fai blurted, so shocked at his spouse's words that he wondered if he'd misheard somehow.

"No, you are _not_ ," Kurogane ground out, and though the blond could see in those angry eyes and that clenched jaw how unhappy the ninja was himself at the orders, it didn't help ease the terror that Fai felt at the idea of separation. He wasn't some hothouse flower clinging to his big strong warrior out of fear and weakness by any means. But coming to Nihon and beginning a new life with Kurogane had led naturally to thoughts of how that new life would unfold, and it had been necessary to face certain unpleasant facts.

They had discussed heirs - or more to the point, Fai's inability to produce one - and inheritances, court politics and country rumors, and his education as well as his work. But by far the most unpleasant fact he had to face was the probability that he would outlive Kurogane by at least three hundred years. It was a harsh reality for someone who'd already lost so much to have to face, and while Fai had eventually come to terms with it and learned not to let future tears flavor his current happiness with bitter salt, it was hard for the blond not to be a little bit paranoid when it came to his beloved's health and welfare. If Kurogane was going off to war, Fai wanted to be at his side, watching his back.

"But I--"

" _NO._ Shut up and listen," Kurogane snapped, too frustrated to be patient and understanding, and Fai flinched and subsided, face twisted with fear and anger and a thwarted longing for reassurance. "This is not you and I and the kid out on our own, fighting our own fights. This is war, and everything is at stake, not just our own happiness. You're powerful and talented but you haven't been in fights like these, against our demons. Tomoyo-Hime is taking the most learned and experienced of our priests to give her the best chance at routing these things from the capital. If you go, that means someone else stays behind and that makes you a liability, not an asset."

Fai was pale and trembling now, feeling as if he were being scolded for being a selfish, narrow-minded brat. He knew even as he balked that Kurogane was right and hated it. All he could think of to say were things like "but I want to go" and they sounded so terribly childish that the situation would have been comical had his heart not been tearing open and bleeding out. Pale lips parted to speak but nothing would come out and Fai simply stood there, shaking his head helplessly in a mute plea.

Kurogane sighed and watched him struggle and eventually submit, though still hating the situation with passionate stubbornness and ready to continue to make weak protests, just to make sure Kurogane knew exactly how wrong Fai thought this was. Childish, yes. But understandable. When Fai was judged to be calm enough, Kurogane continued relaying the pertinent details of the orders he'd carried back from Shirasagi.

"My father will join with the Mikado's army at Inada-jou and continue north with her. You're to serve as his battalion's priest." Kurogane noted the surprised blink and slight hitch in his lover's posture and answered the unspoken question. "My mother will stay here and tend to the wards around Suwa. Her health won't allow her to travel...and I'd feel better if he had a priest he knew he could rely upon at his side."

Kurogane stepped closer and raised a hand to slowly smooth a few wayward strands of golden hair down, but both the praise and the gesture were lost on Fai. The ninja could successfully petition to have his lover accompany his father to battle but he wouldn't even discuss the possibility of keeping that lover by his own side? The blond knew he was being unreasonable but the mind didn't always hold sway over the heart, and while they both knew Fai would do as the Mikado had ordered, it didn't mean he was going to go graciously.

"When?" Fai asked, his voice a bitter thing curling his lip, like the last swirl of muddy tea in a cup long gone cold.

"I leave after dinner. You'll ride out with my father tomorrow morning," came the reply, and the blond gasped and then actually laughed, the sound no less despairing than the question that had led to it.

"I guess we should get packed," Fai said, dragging that old false cheer out in his distress, ill-fitting now and cracked. He knew - he _knew_ \- he was acting the idiot that Kurogane still called him sometimes but he just couldn't help it. Not yet. It was too big of a blow to be accepted all at once, and rushing in on him too quickly for him to adjust. He spun on one heel, needing to get away, needing for the conversation to be over so that he could try to grasp the sickening turn his fairy tale ending had taken.

He turned, only to be whipped right back around by a hand on his elbow. Kurogane pulled him close and stepped in at the same time so that Fai almost bounced off of that wall of muscles. He wanted nothing more than to cling until the last moment of separation and so of course his unruly self seized up and pushed at his beloved to escape. There was no getting away from those strong hands, however, and when had he truly ever been able to resist this man? He looked up to find Kurogane looming over him, so close he could feel his lover's breath on his face and see himself reflected in those burning red eyes.

"We're not parting like this," Kurogane growled at him, but the heat in his voice wasn't anger, and it sent a shiver down Fai's spine, arched now by a muscular arm about his waist drawing him yet closer.

"What, you want to have one last passionate moment together to carry out to the battlefield?" Fai asked mirthlessly, cringing at his own words and wanting terribly to be reassured - even with lies - that his fears were groundless. "Something to keep us warm in case one of us doesn't come back alive?"

_Tell me I'm an idiot. Tell me everything will be fine, and that the war will be over in just a few weeks and that we'll be together again before I know it._

"Exactly," Kurogane said, and all the breath left Fai's lungs in one horrified, shattered sigh.

"How can you--"

"Because it might happen," the dark-haired man interrupted, giving the trembling form in his arms a little shake. "And I know you, mage, inside and out. You're going to be thinking of the last time you saw me - every day and especially every night - until this is over, so put your fears aside for now and show me how much you're going to miss me."

They missed dinner, but somehow managed to get Kurogane washed and dressed in time to ride out with the other ninja. Fai was not quite up to standards in neatness of dress, but all politely chose not to notice his disheveled state, and everyone except for the lord and lady of Suwa became interested in the sunset when it came time for the lord's heir to take leave of his beloved. Kurogane kicked his horse over to the wooden deck where Fai was holding onto a post as if to keep himself from crumpling. Or flinging himself onto his lover to make one final plea to be taken along. He was rather proud of himself for getting through the traditional farewells without whimpering.

"I'm leaving," Kurogane said simply, looking every inch the proud warrior that he was, all red and black and backlit by a fiery sky. The wizard thought the man looked beautiful - no other word would do - in that moment, armed and dangerous and astride a great black horse that tossed its head and pawed impatiently at the dirt as if eager as its rider to join the battle raging to the north. It was a picture that Fai would carry into war along with the memory of the last hour, and he thought to himself that Kurogane had been right; this was the best way to part, if parting was necessary.

"Be well," Fai replied faintly.

"Keep my father safe, and let him take care of you," the ninja said with all his usual seriousness of demeanor, fixing his eyes intently on Fai's pale but calm features. The blond head nodded slowly. Fai didn't feel like smiling, and didn't try, but Kurogane seemed satisfied and nodded as well, once, before wheeling his horse about and riding off. Fai didn't blink until he was out of sight. Kurogane never looked back.

\- - - - -

The manor was busy with preparations to farewell their lord the next morning, and Fai had plenty to keep his hands occupied and mind distracted for a few hours, at least. Much was in readiness, for everyone had expected nothing less than that the lord and his men would be called upon to aid in the battle, but there were many tasks that could not be completed in advance.

Bridles and saddles had been inspected and repaired or replaced as necessary, and now that they knew how far they would have to ride before meeting up with the larger army, corn and grain needed to be measured out and waterskins filled. Everyone had a small pack in readiness at the foot of their sleeping place, and after finding out where they were to be deployed, the choice between fur-lined coats and oiled leather jackets could be made. The kitchen burst back into life, as chaotic and noisy as any battlefield, making preparations for breakfast as well as forming up rows of compact lunches in neat little bamboo-skin folding boxes, while dried travel rations were counted out and packed into leather pouches already lumpy with tinderboxes and metal containers that could serve as pot and bowl both.

Despite all the work to be done, much of it could and would be entrusted to the servants to attend to. Those who would depart the next morning soon turned into their sleeping quarters, rest being as necessary as the other more active tasks they had been engaged in after the evening meal. Fai drifted from room to room after all of his own preparations were complete, and after finding nothing further for his hands to do, sought to be useful in prayer. He could not sleep, not when Kurogane was going to be riding hard all night to return to his princess's side, and then off to war. He could not sleep, not when his bed was so cold and empty.

Fai quietly slid open the doors to the prayer room and smiled briefly to see a spare cushion next to the one upon which his mother-in-law knelt. Though obviously expected, the blond suddenly felt as if his entrance was an intrusion, like a pebble thrown into a calm pond. He stepped inside and quietly slid shut the doors to block out the faint clamor from distant halls that seeped into the room and grated against his nerves. The room was dimly lit with only two candles, and the air seemed thick with incense and expectation. Everything seemed magnified somehow in this soft silence, and Fai barely dared to breathe too noisily. His feet and the trailing edges of his robes whispered loudly across the matting as he crossed the room and when he knelt, he almost felt as if he could count every rough fiber in the cushion by touch.

All his senses seemed not just alive, but overactive in the hushed, heavy moment. The world - _reality_ \- pressed in on him and oppressed him, just when he was seeking to try and be strong by eschewing the oblivion of sleep and praying for his husband's safety instead. The smile that had curved his lips when he'd first looked into the room was gone now, and he looked soberly at the woman seated next to him. She was still beautiful despite her years, and the candlelight gave a false warmth to her usually too-pale skin. Black hair flowed smooth from her temples and down over her shoulders, pooling behind her in great silky coils. Her face was serene, and when she slowly opened her eyes and turned to give him a gentle, understanding smile, Fai's own expression crumpled and he laid his head down in her lap like a child.

He had come to the room to pray for his beloved, and looked to his mother-in-law with concern that she might be suffering the same fears as he for the one she loved, but ended up begging comfort from her instead of offering it. She who had not just a husband to worry over, but a son as well, should have been the object of his compassion and support. He should not be burdening her with his anxieties. Fai knew all this, but despite it all, he remained curled up on the cushion like a long, lanky cat for a while, eyes burning with unshed tears and her hand cool on his forehead.

\- - - - -

The quiet night he had passed - first being indulged in his weakness, then being soothed by his mother-in-law's quiet presence and finally finding comfort in prayer - had gently capped the day that had ended so stormily. The next morning had been so peaceful as to have been surreal considering what they were riding out for, and Fai had found himself more calm and collected than he could have imagined when he'd first found out how - and with whom - he was to be deployed. He'd bidden a formal farewell to the Priestess of Suwa and had received her blessing upon his brow after she had called down the protection of the ancient god of their land upon her husband's sword.

That short ceremonial leave-taking had been the last truly peaceful moment of the last four months, though there had been many, many hours when all they did was rest for the next day's journey or battle. There was always an underlying tension that kept everyone from truly relaxing. Even when the battalion under his father-in-law's command was encamped and protected from sudden attack by allies arrayed around their position, Fai still felt like the soldiers around him were in a constant state of motion or restlessness. And yet their spirits were high.

He at first attributed it to his father-in-law's cheerfulness of spirit and good management of the men under his command. The Lord of Suwa required everyone to commit to the fight, heart, body and mind, but he ensured that they did not overextend themselves, and he let them amuse themselves as they would when circumstances permitted it. Drills and sparring were only allowed for short periods of time. The war itself honed the soldiers' skills well enough, and the practice was only necessary for keeping certain maneuvers and tactics fresh. When each horse had been curried a second time and all the tack polished and inspected anew, the soldiers looked to their own supplies. When everything that could be cleaned or mended or polished had been, they played at dice or wrestling or riddles. When the soldiers had had enough of games, they ate and drank. And when their bellies were full, they broke away from the crowded firepits to sate their other hungers.

When a thousand men are formed into a single entity to live and breathe and fight together, and must stay close together as well to remain alive, there is no such thing as a truly private moment, of course. Time stolen away from the other men was never secret, and necessarily so. If a battle broke out, every leader needed to know where the members of his squad or platoon were so that he could give them orders, whether they'd snuck off to a tent or a supply wagon or some conveniently placed trees. Most "private moments" were in fact comprised largely of the polite inattention of fellow soldiers rather than actual privacy. 

Fai at first wondered - a bit bitterly, a bit wistfully - that so many warriors should be so lucky as to be assigned to the same battalion as their lover, as he began to notice the same faces both staying together and sneaking off together. He had developed a protective, almost paternal instinct for these men as he served them as priest, and found himself watching and watching over them sometimes, when he had nothing else to do but fret over Kurogane. The roles of commander and priest for the battalion were similar to the roles of guardian and priest over the province of Suwa; Fai kept his father-in-law warded and shielded so that the man would be alive and able to focus all his attention on commanding and directing his men, and the priest also protected the men against what arrows and demonic attacks he could so that they could concentrate on the foes immediately before them on the ground.

Just as a woman cannot help but love a child she is given to nurture, a man cannot help but love the ones he is given to protect. The warm-hearted wizard who had already lost two families and two countries was no exception to this and began to think of the battalion he served as _his_ ; his to keep safe, his to watch over, his to protect with his magic as his father-in-law protected them with his skill and sword. And so he watched them, and while he had no unseemly interest in the private aspects of each man's life it was hard not to notice all the little signs of ongoing trysts.

Fai was also surprised at how great a percentage of Nihon's men preferred other men as a bedmate, and whimsically wondered how the nation kept their population growing. But then he began to notice familiar faces among the soldiers who were paired off, and was shocked to realize that many were ones whom he knew to be married or otherwise committed to another, and that other quite often a woman.

The blond might have written these trysts off as stress-induced aberrations of behavior in men whom he knew - had thought, at least - to be faithful husbands and committed lovers, save that he saw that the men were pairing off and staying with one specific person as the days and weeks passed. It wasn't a sudden breaking of faith under the pressures of war and the adrenaline of battle; a quick rutting in the shadows with a convenient stranger to relieve the stress. The pairs protected each other in battle, had their meals together, slept near each other and of course slept _with_ each other. They weren't just pairing off; the men were finding partners.

The closeness being found put the wizard to mind of how he and Kurogane had been in Yama toward the end of their half-year in that country, cut off from Syaoran and the others. Caring. Committed. A couple even without an exchange of whispered promises. The comparison disturbed him in those cases where he knew at least one of the men to be committed to another who was not present. There was a Celesian saying; "cold miles set hearts afire". In an ice-bound land, harsh weather often lengthened absences and made courting a person in even a neighboring village difficult, and it was said that these un-looked for separations made the longing one felt for one's beloved all the stronger.

But here in Nihon, did bonds break so easily over miles and months? Was it so easy to forget the wife or betrothed or sweetheart you'd left behind at home when you were on the other end of the continent? Did blood so easily wash away or obliterate memories and promises? During moments of self-examination, the blond refused to entertain any notion that he was fearful of Kurogane being unfaithful. He was only offended on behalf of all the hearts left behind to worry and pray.

The mage had some easily understood issues with abandonment and betrayal.

These issues also made him uncomfortable in his own skin, when he found himself eyeing his father-in-law with more feelings than a son by marriage ought to properly have. While noticing the trysts of those around him it was impossible for his mind not to drift to times he'd engaged in such activities with his own beloved, nor for his body to refrain from yearning. He'd begun to desperately miss his husband even before they'd parted, knowing that separation was nigh, and now pure and plain physical longing had had time to build up as well. Add to that the fact that the Lord of Suwa was a near twin of his own son, and...well. Fai was often out of temper with himself more often than he might have been had he been assigned to a stranger's battalion.

Just as he refused to lend any credence to the idea that he feared his lover would give in to loneliness and longing, Fai steadfastly told himself over and over that he himself was not actually a-lust over his own father-in-law. The idea was ridiculous and offensive and idiotic and just plain wrong on all manner of levels. He was simply getting caught unawares sometimes by his long habit of admiring his husband's looks and the now-inconvenient fact that his husband had inherited all those looks directly from his sire. When a pair of red eyes set in a tanned, chiseled face fixed themselves on him and then narrowed slightly over a fond smile or crooked grin, his heart was simply conditioned to skip. It meant nothing but that he missed his husband, not that he wanted to actually jump on his father-in-law.

Said father-in-law was not helping Fai's torment, frustratingly enough. It was not out of mischief or malice, for gods be thanked, the man had no idea he was making his priest squirm so, but rather an unfortunate side effect of his affectionate nature. The mage came in for random eye contact and smiles, got a few casual pats on the shoulder or tugs of a blond lock, and other such friendly, familiar, family gestures such as a good son-in-law merited. The nail in the coffin was that Fai's place both as priest and son was by the man's side. He shared his commander's place in battle, his lord's confidence in all important matters, a private tent, and all his meals.

It was driving Fai not a little bit insane, and when the Lord of Suwa caught his eye one day during a long, drawn-out and rather boring review of some stale articles of news and _winked_ at him, the blond invented a little coughing fit for himself and promptly fled the scene. He wandered up a low embankment, there to let the breeze cool his flushed - from the _coughing_ , not the wink - cheeks and his eyes wander over the masses of men and animals and baggage that surrounded him. And it was a great mass indeed; not just the thousand that the Lord of Suwa commanded and all the servants and animals that thousand required, but another two battalions beside.

Three commanders and all their forces had gathered at the joining of the Miki and Miyata rivers, there to await the arrival of two other battalions before forming a regiment that would then travel upriver to finally join with the Mikado's main army. For the past four months the Lord of Suwa's battalion had been deployed to various locations behind the front line, mostly engaged in small battles that it could handle on its own, essentially clearing its own path home of enemies and preventing the leftover enemy forces that had escaped the Mikado's field army from gathering together and attacking her from behind. They were running out of enemies to fight behind the main lines however, with the enemy gathering up all its scattered forces to converge on the capital against the Tsukuyomi, and orders had come for everyone to gather with the Mikado along the northern seaboard, there to grind the larger enemy force into the sand and surf in one final, decisive battle.

The Lord of Suwa had been the first to arrive at their assigned meeting place, and encamped on the peninsula formed between the two rivers to take advantage of the natural defenses thus provided. The arrival of two other battalions provided additional protection, and there had come a break such as they had not been blessed with since the beginning of the war as they waited for the remainder of their future regiment to arrive. Squads of men were sent out from each battalion with regularity to patrol the borders of the large camp, and the commanders allowed visiting between the battalions on a limited basis. Gifts were exchanged, stories were told, jokes taught and songs learned, but Fai noticed very few casual liaisons as he continued his new habit of watching and watching over the soldiers. The men who were paired off remained...faithful.

Fai frowned now as he stood upon the embankment and observed those he served as priest, and the battalion commander almost immediately pulled him aside for a talk, proving that Fai wasn't the only one who had been watching over the ones he cared for.

"Priest," called a familiar voice - sometimes _too_ familiar in sound and timber - and Fai broke away from his contemplative watchfulness to nod respectfully to his father-in-law in a slow, deliberate movement that was nearly a bow. At home, the blond could make Kurogane sputter and shout with the outrageous familiarity Fai showed with his in-laws, but whenever there were eyes and ears about them, Fai accorded his father-in-law the proper respect and honor that the man's age, position and relationship demanded. It would not do for the priest to undermine the commander's authority.

"Walk with me a while," said the Lord of Suwa, smiling as he almost always did, but serious all the same. "I have something to say to you."

Fai nodded and fell into step with the taller man, and they walked in silence to the grassy area right in the fork between the two rivers that their camp nestled in. It was too small and uneven a place for tents, inconvenient for the horses and too exposed for dalliance, and so it had remained open even when the area became crowded with soldiers. Though anyone standing there could be seen from all sides, the noise of the water kept voices from carrying, so it was ideal for private conversation. And this conversation was almost guaranteed to remain private.

Unless an unexpected enemy army suddenly crested the horizon, none would dare interrupt a conference between the commander and whomever he might choose to draw aside. The man was genial and approachable, but he had their respect and admiration as well as their affection and trust, and none of his officers or the soldiers presumed upon his friendliness. Even Fai, who was the man's adopted son and the chosen one of his blood heir, and could have been expected and allowed to be playful and presuming in private, refrained for the most part. He had not the spirits for it, and his few attempts at the usual lighthearted banter had depressed him by reminding him too much of the home and happy life there that he was trying to keep his mind off of.

"How is your health?" the dark-haired man asked, all formal politeness except in his merry eyes and the little quirk at one corner of his mouth that deepened the laugh line there. Fai raised his eyebrows a tiny bit and replied with equal politeness and a faint smile that he was well, and returned the inquiry. A theatrical sigh preceded the reply.

"I am so stooped under a heavy burden of worry that I fear I will soon be unable to lift my sword or even sit my horse," confessed the Lord of Suwa, shaking his head in mock sorrow and then grinning at Fai's snort. The man was hale and hearty yet, with only a few faint lines about his face and a dusting of grey at his temples to give away the fact that he was Kurogane's father instead of his twin. In a battle between the commander and all the men in his battalion, Fai would have placed his coin on his father-in-law, and he wasn't entirely certain even his own husband could best the man in a fight better than three times out of five.

"If there is anything a humble priest could do to ease the lord's mind..." Fai suggested, still in that faintly playful formality of speech and manner. From a distance, the commander and his priest were at speech. Up close, it was father and son at play.

"There is," the older man said, suddenly dropping all his formal manner and fixing a fond but serious look upon his son by marriage. "Tell me now, truly, if you are well," came the unexpected urging, and the blond blinked in surprise before answering.

"Yes. You know I've escaped injury so far and we'll have plenty of time to rest. I'll be fit for the coming battle." He left it at that, curious about why his physical state was under scrutiny but knowing that if he kept silent, he would eventually be enlightened.

"Hm. So it's not a headache or fever that creases your brow. Is it something here, or here?" his father-in-law asked next, and reached out to lightly tap the wizard's chest and forehead.

"You know I'm heart-sore," Fai answered, lips thinning for a moment as he glanced away from piercing red eyes. "I try not to dwell too much on it. As for what I'm thinking, it's nothing you need to worry over."

"I worry when my priest is walking about frowning in disapproval at my men," the commander chided lightly, and Fai gave him an apologetic look and a conceding nod.

"That was thoughtless of me, and I apologize. I won't do it anymore," Fai promised, and then raised his eyebrows again when the other man shook his head and laughed lightly.

"I also worry when my son-in-law is walking about fretting over something in secret."

The blond's lips curved into a smile again and he sighed lightly, not especially desirous of detailing his feelings and thoughts on the matter that had been occupying him, but pleased nonetheless at the feeling that he was so well cared for. Kurogane was miles away - _Guardian of Suwa, let him be alive, let him be safe_ \- but Fai was not alone. The war had separated him from his beloved, but Kurogane had ensured that Fai would still have family, and not have to deal with the old trauma of feeling torn away from his loved ones and orphaned for a third time.

A rush of gratitude washed over the wizard at this proof of how he was treasured. Kurogane knew him through and through, and loved him well enough to go to the trouble of making arrangements to ensure that his beloved was provided with as much comfort as could be found as he rode out to war. Whether or not Kurogane had commended his spouse to his father's care just as he'd commended his father to his spouse's care upon taking leave was unknown to the blond, but it hardly mattered. The wizard knew he had become the son of his adopted parents' hearts, just as much as Kurogane was the son of their blood. Even if his assignment to the Lord of Suwa's battalion had been accidental, Fai knew that the commander would have watched over him zealously, and it warmed his heart almost as much as the thought of how well his spouse cherished him.

If Fai's childhood had been a barren, icy wasteland, his married life was certainly the bountiful harvest that made the long winter worth enduring. The twice-orphaned double-expatriate had been given a new family and new home...a whole new _world_ , in fact, to belong to.

A whole new world, with sometimes confusing ways.

Fai sighed again, the smile slipping a bit, and decided that he might as well answer openly. Though it was tacitly understood that the trysts being engaged in were less than secret, it was also considered unseemly to mention them or acknowledge them in any other way. The pretense of ignorance was part of the polite inattention paid to the pairs, and it was a breach of courtesy at best and a violation of honor at worst for Fai to talk of them so plainly. He knew, however, that his father-in-law's care of him was what was prompting this interview, and that he could not satisfy the concern in those keen red eyes with something polite and bland. Motivated by warmth of heart and not conformity to right and rules, the Lord of Suwa would not judge Fai's responses from a high seat, with offended dignity.

"I feel uneasy when I see some of the soldiers with another, when I know them to have lovers - _families_ , even - at home," the blond confessed, after a long enough pause and an averting of his eyes to the side to say clearly that what he said was not spoken willingly. Years ago, Kurogane had been surprised to see how easily the Valerian-born and Celesian-raised wizard had picked up all of the subtle mannerisms and body language "phrases" of Nihon. Fai had been born in line of a throne, however, had been raised at court and had grown up wearing more lies than clothes; saying something without saying anything was _first_ nature, not second.

The taller nodded slowly, considering his son-in-law's words. When he spoke again, his voice and manner remained the same; easy and mild, curious and concerned. Though Fai had not been truly expecting a reprimand for his breach of courtesy, the knowledge that he was being less than polite had still put a bit of tension in his shoulders, and he only realized it when he was able to relax them upon hearing the dark-haired man speak again without any grave disapproval in his voice.

"And is this unease born of dignity, fear or envy?" the Lord of Suwa asked gently. "You see a married man in dalliance with one not his wife and are offended, are you? Or do you fear my son is also at play with another at the capital? Or perhaps you wish you could seek the same comfort in someone's arms?"

"The first. Only," Fai replied, adding the last word with a bit of emphasis and a twitch of a frown. His decisive manner of speaking gained him a curious look that spoke of wishing further explanation, so the wizard spoke again. "It's natural that I get upset when I see someone doing wrong. But that's all it is. I would never insult that one by suggesting he'd betray me, and if I were so weak as to actually wish to dishonor my marriage bed - which I am _not_ , just to be clear - I'd never speak such a thing aloud."

"Wrong-doing, betrayal and dishonor. Those are heavy words," the lord mused, giving the shorter man a long, contemplative look as he picked out a few of the phrases Fai had used. He then let out a short breath like a laugh and reached up to tug lightly at one of the blond locks waving about in the breeze. "I don't know how it is, with your looks, but sometimes I forget that you aren't one of us born and bred."

It was a compliment to how well Fai had taken to himself all the ways and manners of his new home, as well as a mark of how well he was loved, and so the foreign-born princeling smiled even as he wondered what nuance of Nihon he had yet to be educated on. No matter how much he studied, it was simply impossible to be taught _everything_ about a new country's culture. It would be foolish to try, in fact. There were scholars who devoted themselves to history, masters who knew all the ways in which behavior was regulated and restricted, and experts who understood the intricacies of politics, but all of that knowledge was only collected together in archives, not in every person in the general citizenry.

"One assumes you understand what it means to be someone's chosen one," his father-in-law said, and the blond eyebrows went up again.

"One would hope," Fai responded, still smiling, "since I am your son's."

"And intended one?"

"Yes," the blond answered. It was a little harder to define in words, but in essence, it was what he had been to Kurogane during the years they'd traveled with Syaoran and Mokona, while Sakura-chan had been waiting patiently in Clow. The ninja had made up his mind about what - and whom - he wanted while recuperating from the wounds he'd sustained during that final battle with Fei-Wang Reed, but in typical fashion, had not spoken his thoughts for some time, not having felt that he could honorably offer the one he loved a home when that home was still so uncertain and distant. Who knew how long it would be before Syaoran's quest was complete?

Fai, a little less willing to wait for "the right time", had changed the ninja's mind one night.

"And bonded one?" the Lord of Suwa then prompted, and the blond head tipped slightly to one side and then shook slowly from side to side. Fai could make a guess, but he hadn't been taught, and while he hadn't connected all of the parts of this conversation together, he understood by instinct that all of this was important.

"It is no surprise that you haven't heard of that one," the taller man said. "The circumstances under which such relationships are formed are thankfully rare." There was another moment of silence as Fai waited patiently while his father-in-law ordered his thoughts.

"My son told me about your time together in Yama, and you yourself told me of one war you participated in during your years in Celes. Look about you now and tell me, do you not think these soldiers take better to war than the ones you've fought alongside in the past?"

Fai nodded, not needing to cast his gaze about as his father-in-law suggested. He'd been turning the matter over in his thoughts already, before this conversation.

"I had noticed, and attributed it to a happy combination of your good management and a natural taste among the men for battle," Fai replied, with another little nod-bow to bolster the compliment, which was accepted with a quick grin. This descendant of a dragon was not only honorable and respectable but _good_ , and like his son, had little to nothing in the way of false modesty to make him deny such compliments.

"Some of their good spirits may be from those things, but I could not have hoped to carry a thousand men so far for so long and on such a journey without a single desertion or disciplinary action if it were not for the freedom each one had to find a bonded one for his own comfort." The dark head nodded at the encampment beyond Fai's shoulder. "Those you were frowning over - the ones you think are breaking faith with their chosen ones - they are bondmates."

The explanation continued, patient and calm, and Fai did his best to keep his mind open. If he wished to argue instead of accept, his father-in-law would listen to him, but for now the blond simply listened.

"We go to war not just to win a contest of strength and wit and will, but to preserve and protect the homes and families and lives we leave behind. I would not risk even one life were it for nothing more than _winning_ at something. But we fight so that we may return to the good lives we live, and a good life cannot be lived if a man does not return from the battlefield whole of mind and heart. A man is still a man so long as his spirit is intact, even if his body be broken, do you not agree?" Red eyes twinkled a bit at this question which could only have one answer.

"Of course," Fai replied, smiling softly as he thought of the months when his left eye had been an empty, ruined socket and of Kurogane, off at the Capital fighting demons with his biomechanical arm. During his first visit to Nihon, when he'd given up all of his remaining magic and had only one eye, he'd been more whole than in the years before when he'd had two blue eyes and a gaping hole where his heart should have been. And Kurogane...Kurogane had never been anything less than a whole and complete person at any time.

"War destroys more than the body," his father-in-law said then, voice growing more sober. "The longer the battle and the further from home, the harder it becomes to hold on to the good memories and hope of returning. Some men carry their strength with them wherever they go and can fight for a year without needing someone else to hold on to. But others draw their strength from having their loved ones about them, and like a plant without water, they wilt and weaken when torn away from all they hold dear. They need new sources of warmth to keep their heart-fires burning."

"...and so they warm themselves at a campfire instead of their hearth while they are away from home?" Fai asked, and received a nod. His smile had slipped away already, and now his brows knit together in a more decided frown than before. "And what is the difference, then, between finding a bonded one and taking a lover?"

"The difference between need and weakness, accepted and punishable, honor and betrayal," the taller man replied. "I said that the circumstances under which a bonded one was found were rare, and so they are. They are circumstances which truly break a man, not just circumstances under which a man is tempted to do wrong. War is one. The other is much the same but on a smaller scale; those quests on which a man is sent at the Mikado's orders, but she rarely sends one who cannot endure the journey."

Light eyes cut away from the speaker and gazed out across the water that was nearly as troubled, nearly as blue. Fai tried to see and understand the concept, but while his mind saw the logic and reasoning behind the practice, his heart had difficulty accepting such a thing. And his father-in-law had said it was accepted and honorable. Did the wives and lovers left behind understand this then, and know that their men were seeking comfort in another's embrace instead of in more destructive means such as a bottle or pipe, or unnecessary violence and risk?

It was accepted. It was considered socially acceptable. It was a common practice in an uncommon situation, part of life, part of the culture. Only strange and uncomfortable to one foreign to the land, such as Fai. Someone born and bred of the country would find it nothing out of the ordinary, normal even, not needing all this consideration and mental struggle. His father-in-law was standing here, patiently explaining something that, to him, was perfectly normal and acceptable.

Did the man's son also find it perfectly normal and acceptable?

The silence, backed by the bustle of the camp and music of the wind and water, stretched on for some time as Fai struggled with the new thoughts this cultural lesson was creating in his mind. Finally he chanced to glance more toward his father-in-law while his eyes cast back and forth aimlessly over the water and came back to himself. The blond took in a breath in a manner that made it seem like he'd been holding his breath all this time, sighed it out and finally spoke again.

"Thank you for telling me these things," Fai said soberly, and while he was indeed grateful, it was gratitude for the edification, and not actual comfort. While he had been shown that his imported morals were the culprits behind his feeling offended, he was now troubled in a more personal manner than a general one, and it was hardly an improvement.

He was glad to be shown that he had no cause to be offended. It was something else besides to know that these bonds were creating no heartache in anyone but himself. Fai was perfectly happy to find out that he was just being silly, if the flip side of the embarrassment was to find out that no one was suffering what he'd thought they would be. But now that he knew these bonds being created were simply part of this culture he'd married into, he experienced a pang when wondering if his beloved, who was born of this world, had found himself a bondmate as well.

Kurogane would never betray him. But this was not considered betrayal. Fai had only traded one troubled thought for another, but still he was grateful even then, and so he said so.

The Lord of Suwa nodded, but just as Fai had not been comforted, neither was the commander satisfied. The sun had crept low while they talked, however, and it was time to return to their duties. Even during a peaceful spell in the middle of war there was plenty to be done by all, not just the men who shouldered most of the heavy work. The commander had met with his captains and some of the squad leaders, welcomed home and sent out more outriders and foot scouts, and made his morning tour of the camp. There were strategies yet to be discussed with the other battalion commanders and all manner of mental labor to be accomplished as the afternoon waned. The hour for their evening meal also approached, and it was his wont to spend that time not in eating a fine meal in the comfort of his tent, but in visiting about the entire camp.

The priest, who shared that tent, also shared his commander's schedule out of respect for the wisdom that prompted it and a desire to emulate that wisdom. Fai, knowing that his father-in-law enjoyed the small touch of home that eating a meal together provided, delayed his own dinner until it could be shared, out of pure affection.

"Duty calls," the lord said after nodding his acceptance of the wizard's gratitude, and then smiled at Fai's response of, "and we always answer". The dark head nodded again, in better satisfaction. His son-in-law was strange but settled, not bred to their culture but steeped in it. The Lord of Suwa had full confidence in the blond's goodness of heart and sharpness of mind. It was well. They had addressed the dignity. There was time enough to talk of the fear and envy later.

"I will see you for the evening meal, then," he said, and then stepped closer on his way to leaving their grassy conference area first, as was proper for their respective stations. Long legs brought him within one step to Fai's side and he stopped to speak again while nodding his head to the east, where lay the capital. "And I believe I can see where your thoughts turn now. Before you begin frowning again, think now not on the people and the ways that you have married into, but of the one man you married, and see if you truly need furrow your brow."

Fai received a quick grin then and a light-hearted admonishment not to let his thoughts sour his stomach for his dinner, and then was left alone on the little peninsula. The blond head lifted into the faint breezes, those clear blue eyes far away and contemplative, and perhaps a bit wistful, for a moment. Soon enough, the battalion's priest shook his head and settled himself with a brief sigh, and turned again to his duties.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the following prompt at the CLAMPkink community on Dreamwidth:  
>  _After this weekend on the meme and reading the crack that fieldofclover and youkohiei_fan wrote, I'm craving some Kuropapa/Fai. If you could somehow have it cracky like they did that would be great, but anon wants really hot and steamy sex either way. Writer anon can use their imagination on kinks._
> 
> I read the prompt and thought to myself, "oh _hell_ no, Fai would _never_." I have this brain disorder, however, where I see an improbable prompt and start thinking, "well...but how _could_ it happen, realistically?" And then I tried to figure out how it could be done in a non-adulterous manner, without killing Kuro-mama and Kurogane, and without excluding established KuroFai. Before I knew it...fic. I skipped the crack and went straight to srs bizness.
> 
> The story diverges from canon in that Kurogane's parents are alive. When Kurogane was very young, he met with the Empress (Kendappa and Tomoyo's mother) while she was visiting around the provinces. Charmed with the sweet little boy's enthusiasm and pride in his family and province, the Empress wandered off with him for some private chat. They wandered a bit too far into the woods and were attacked by demons. Kurogane attempted to defend the Empress but she was mortally wounded before her bodyguards caught up with them and died in Kurogane's arms.
> 
> Smitten with grief and guilt, Kurogane pledged himself to the service of the new Empress, her daughter Kendappa. On his seventh birthday his father delivered him to Shirasagi and presented him to the Empress. She acknowledged his debt and accepted him into her service, and when he was fifteen and considered a man grown, she charged him with the protection of her sister, the High Priestess. Until that point he had used a regular sword, but upon his confirmation as a man and a worthy servant of the Empress, and his presentation to the Tsukuyomi as her personal bodyguard, his father presented him with a kageuchi* of Ginryuu, the shinuchi* of which was the family heirloom and wielded by the Lord of Suwa himself. The rest of Kurogane's history is canon-compliant.
> 
> * Shinuchi (真打) and kageuchi　(影打) refer to swords forged at the same time, in the same design; basically all copies of each other. The best of all of them is referred to as the shinuchi. The word is written with the characters for "true" and "strike", with "strike" meaning creation, like when you speak of a coin being struck or minted. The other copy (or copies, if more than two are made) is the kageuchi. The word is written with the characters for "shadow" and "strike".　The character used for "shadow" here is not the shape left on the ground when something blocks light, but rather the absence of light itself.


	2. Chapter 2

The commander's twice-daily rounds of the camp were mainly for the sake of his men. His authority and the respect the man himself was accorded kept the rank and file from speaking anything other than praise and pleasantries, so his walks gained him no real useful information. The geniality that was part and particle of his personality, however, kept his presence from being an unwelcome restraint on the men during his visits. There could not be the sort of familiarity and openness between them that would let him hear all of the doubts and true complaints that some no doubt harbored in their breasts, but he continued his habit of wandering from group to group as the morning and evening meals were served, whenever circumstances permitted it.

When the soldiers were breaking their fast, he inquired as to how they had slept and encouraged them for the coming day. Among the cheerful good mornings and inquiries in turn were easygoing complaints about things that he had no control over and therefore could not feel any real blame for, such as the weather. When they were at their final meal of the day, he asked how they had fared since morning. If they had been resting, he would make mocking inspections and claim they were grown fat and lazy. If they had been fighting, he spent most of his time in the healer's tents. Even when he was not immediately before them, the men he commanded knew he was with some of them, somewhere, and it had the same effect as if they'd been able to experience his hearty smiles and spirited laughter in person.

The commander never found out anything really important or useful, but that was not the point. His purpose was to make the men he directed feel more than just his authority; he wished them to know his care. And when the visits continued, day after day, week after week, during every meal that they had the opportunity to take sitting down, even the soldiers who had not known him before this war grew to feel that his concern was real. He cheered the men with his presence and interest, received official concerns through the proper chain of command, and heard about what the men were _really_ thinking from his priest.

Though both commander and priest received offers of a morsel or draught as they made their separate rounds, neither ever partook. The commander refused to take even one bite out of the mouths of his men, and the priest generally laughingly refused on the grounds that he had no wish to endanger his figure by eating more than he ought. They both visited around the camp, taking opposite areas and traveling clockwise like moons circling the same planet so that everyone got at least a nod or smile from one or the other. It was theirs to begin each exchange, but most of their time was spent in listening, not talking, and they saved the bulk of their breath for when they sat down together for their own meal. _Then_ the commander got to hear the gossip.

Tonight was no exception to the routine; the two sat down to table in the tent they shared and soon as the servants had withdrawn, Fai related the little complaints and concerns that he'd picked up while on his rounds. What the men could not rightly say to the commander's face or even filter up through their captain without seeming accusing or disrespectful, they could hint to the priest, knowing that it would eventually reach their leader's ear.

As a religious figure instead of a military one, even one of the least ranks could speak to Fai freely; not quite as an equal, but as to one of a nebulous, almost neutral stature. The foreign-born man had status as the Lord of Suwa's son by marriage and the chosen one of the heir to Suwa and the Tsukuyomi's personal bodyguard, as well as in his own right as the second priest of the Suwa Province, but even all this was balanced out by the fact that he was not native by blood. Add to this the man's natural charm and glibness of tongue, and Fai was very effective indeed as the unofficial channel to the commander's favor, and the commander's not-so-secret ear among the men.

The priest did most of the talking during dinner, though the commander did his share of filling in the silences in giving his decisions and answers and opinions, and in sharing the news that the outriders and message birds would bring in. It worked out perfectly well, for Fai tended to eat less and quite frankly, loved to talk. And when tea and dinner were cleared away and new teapots hot from the fire or bottles fresh-chilled in the river brought in as the lord wished, and the servants sent away for the night, the priest and commander ended their talks, and Fai settled down for chat with his father-in-law.

At home, this tended to be the time of trial for Kurogane, when he would sometimes question aloud his decision to let Fai meet his parents. The wizard had never known such a family intimacy of two generations gathering together, night after night, purely for the joy of each other's company and conversation. The blond could not remember his father and only had vague, melancholy memories of his mother, and while he still held on to some cherished happy memories of his brother, they were always tinged with the bittersweetness of rejoicing in each other's love because each other was all they had. It had been a desperate, starved childhood, and his youth had been happier only by comparison. He'd laughed and smiled and sung and danced and been heartbroken or lying to himself through it all.

Upon finding himself in the middle of a warm and loving family such as he had not believed he would ever be a part of, Fai had at first kept himself hesitantly along the fringes of these - to him - intimate moments. He would sit by his husband but keep out of the conversations, especially when they touched on memories that he had no part of, almost feeling like an intruder due to his awkwardness and inexperience in how to be a member of such a family. He had learned how to be a true lover, sharing heart and mind as well as body, but being such a son as the Lord and Lady of Suwa deserved was daunting to him.

As Kurogane had taught Fai all over again what it was to smile and love, so did the twice-orphaned mage's new parents teach him what it was to be a beloved child. Fai had found his father-in-law to be as open and accepting as Kurogane was direct, and his mother-in-law's serenity and gentleness outshone even her matchless beauty. And they were all three of them kind to him and protective of him, each in their own way. Fai had been awed, had his hesitations very quickly overcome, and finally had his heart utterly overwhelmed by it all, and one night had wept uncontrollably from sheer gratitude. Kurogane had been driven nearly to distraction by the vehemence of the blond's tears as well as his inability to stop crying long enough to even speak the reason for the waterworks. When Fai had finally dried up - possibly from sheer dehydration - and been able to explain, the ninja had seemed torn between exasperation at the somewhat anticlimactic revelation and anger for everyone, fate included, responsible for the tragedies the wizard had suffered that made his current simple happiness so unbearably wonderful.

After getting a painless bonk on the head with one knuckle and a soft kiss, Fai had gone to sleep that night, eyes swollen and head aching and feeling like he might die from how happy he was and how fearful he was that it was all a dream. He'd woken up the next day refreshed and rejuvenated, and thrown himself into his new happiness with an enthusiasm that still took Kurogane aback sometimes. The ninja was a bit more formal in some ways than his parents thanks to all his years at Shirasagi, and even after three years, hadn't quite gotten used to seeing Fai cover his mother in kisses or hearing the mage reassign the "Kuro-Daddy" nickname to his father.

Fai had given him a new nickname of "Kuro-Hubby" to make up for it, but the ninja had still sulked a bit.

The cozy after-dinner chats continued for Fai even when the family was whittled down to only two members and the home scene was replaced by the canvas walls of a tent, and he was both warmed with gratitude for the blessing and made melancholy at times by remembering those who were absent. So as not to let himself fall into distracting depression, he made concerted efforts to keep his thoughts reined in tightly, and also did his best to remain cheerful during these quiet evenings when they could spare a whole hour or two instead of just a handful of minutes before needing to rest in preparation for the next day's battle or journey.

Today, however, his father-in-law steered the conversation deliberately into a conversational bramble.

"Have you thought on what I said?" the dark-haired man asked, after a companionable silence to let the meal settle. Fai nodded slowly and set his cup down carefully so as not to make any unseemly clatter with ceramic against polished wood. Though he'd been busy all the afternoon and early evening, the blond had still had enough time to revisit and refine his thoughts, and he was ready to answer.

"I know him; his strength comes from within," Fai said, smiling softly down at his cup as he thought of Kurogane. "And he knows me even better than I know myself. I believe he would never need to seek out a bondmate for himself and would refuse to be someone else's bonded one for the sake of my feelings even if he might wish it out of kindness or need."

Red eyes were intent on him and the dark head nodded slowly, in approval or agreement, or perhaps both. Fai thought that perhaps the simple query and response might close this particular conversation, but then his father-in-law posed another question.

"And if you found later that he had taken a bonded one, for whatever reasons might befall him? Would you forgive him?"

Blue eyes blinked, and the wizard took a moment to consider. The question had already occurred to him as he'd thought over the main question, but he'd dismissed it more than decided upon it. After asking himself once more what he would do, however, the answer was still the same. The blond head shook slowly side to side, but there was a smile curving the wizard's lips.

"There'd be nothing to forgive, would there?" he asked rhetorically, and this time instead of a nod, he got a smile, slow and warm. "He'd never do anything to betray me. Or rather, I should say that he would never betray _himself_. If he takes a bonded one, it will be because it was right to do so."

"After all you've suffered at the hands of others, one might have thought you would suffer more from blindness and jealousy," the lord commented, his tone more wondering than suspicious, and again Fai shook his head and smiled.

"I've drunk enough of that poison," the blond replied. "He's never given me anything but honesty, brutal or no, and nearly ten years has been enough time to wear down even my misgivings."

"Good," replied his father-in-law with a chuckle. "We have not failed utterly in raising him then, if you've nothing to reproach me with on that score."

"You know the respect and regard I have for your son," Fai said, letting his eyes and tone speak the passionate assurance that this super-private culture wouldn't let him express in words. Less was more in this language, and the wizard had grown to appreciate the difference between leaving things unsaid and not needing to say anything, more and more over the years.

"I do know it," his father-in-law agreed. "And because I know it, I will now express concern over the fact that you denied utterly any desire to find a bonded one for yourself." Red eyes watched attentively as Fai went through a quick succession of reactions, his face changing with every new emotion; surprise, embarrassment, offense and anger, disbelief, confusion and doubt. He had considered the concept of bondmates from the perspective of the men he served and the man he missed, but hadn't applied it to himself. Rather than letting Fai possibly sink into unease over whether there was reproach hidden in the gently spoken words, the lord spoke again.

"There was a time not long after my son brought you home and announced his intentions that I drew him aside to have him talk to me of you," he confessed, and then patted the floor of the tent near himself, inviting his son-in-law closer. The blond's expression turned quizzical at this turn of the conversation, and the little crease between his eyebrows smoothed out as well as he quickly stood and moved his cushion over so that they were only a foot or so apart, sharing a corner of the table instead of sitting on opposite sides.

"I'd never met one so foreign," the dark-haired man continued, "and it wasn't just these otherworldly looks of yours; every gesture and nuance and all the turns of your mind were something out of a different land, and I could not be certain...no, I _knew_ I did not understand you. I could not rightly agree to be your father and offer you our name and the protection of our household without knowing you better, so I had my son tell me about your travels together."

"We told you everything when we first arrived," the puzzled listener commented with a tip of his fair head.

"What my son tells me when you are sitting next to him and what he tells me when he and I are alone are sometimes two very different things," came the amused reply. "He would not speak of the concern you gave him, nor the pain, while you were before him, and those were the things I wished to know. What made him fear for you. What made him angry."

Slender shoulders drooped a bit at the thought of all the communications Kurogane could have made on those topics. They'd long ago cleared away the misunderstandings about what the terse and sometimes tactless ninja had meant when he'd told Fai that he hated certain types of people. Yes, he hated certain types of people. But he hadn't berated Fai for being one. He'd berated Fai for _acting_ like one when the ninja knew that the man was made of better stuff. There were still so many conversations - or lacks of one - from so many worlds, though, where the blond's quick wit and glib tongue had been used against the fierce warrior like weapons.

"That must have taken a long time to tell," Fai murmured, his smile a bit sad now. He was put right back into surprise, however, at the reply he got.

"A fifth of an hour or so," the lord said after a moment of thinking back. "I suppose it was long, considering how little he likes to talk sometimes. It would have taken less time, but for every darkened or weak moment, he went on to praise the strength you'd grown into."

"Tell me what he said," Fai requested, suddenly puppy-eager, but he got laughed at and patted on the head; a meet gesture for his childish demand.

"I'll do better than that; I'll make _him_ tell you when we all meet again," the lord promised, and such was the man's influence that for once his son-in-law believed wholly in the idea instead of fearing that it would never happen. "But I will tell you what I understood."

The blond head nodded, the wisps of shorter hair waving about the expressive face. The princeling-turned-priest could playact with the best, but years of being loved and - more importantly - letting himself be loved had made keeping up a facade more of a skill than a habit. While he had taken upon himself the mantle of polite distance that was natural in this country and especially among the highborn class he had married into, Fai dropped his guard when he was in private with those he loved best. Though the conversation had so far had some awkward moments, he was still relaxed here in the presence of the only family member he still had within miles of himself, and all his thoughts showed fairly plainly upon his face.

"My son is strong, as are you, but your strengths are very different," his father-in-law began. "As you said earlier, he carries his strength with him. It is almost no merit, for he is like a dragon; he is strong because he is who he is. He was born so, and so he simply _is_. You...your strength was earned, I think. Blood and tears and the ashes of your heart. Perhaps it's because you're his chosen one or because I remember the picture you drew once of the tattoo your king gave you, but I think of you as a phoenix. You live passionately and sometimes burn in your own fires, and rise again." A long, thoughtful pause, and then he spoke again.

"I think you're starting to singe."

"No," Fai protested, that little wrinkle back between his eyebrows and his spine straightening. "I'm fine. I know I've been broken before but I'm stronger now; I've laid my past to rest and--" He would have gone on to say more, save that a large tan hand was raised now to stop him, and he subsided, both in voice and in posture.

"I know you're strong; I just said so," the taller said reassuringly, and not without amusement. "I don't think you were ever weak, then or now. I think you don't understand how best to maintain your strength. Think of it as another aspect of your health. You must eat and sleep and take exercise to maintain it. My son's strength comes from within, so all he need do is be true to himself and his own principles, and he has an endless source of strength. Your strength comes from having those to love and letting yourself be loved in turn. Without this, your wellspring begins to dry up. Heed the hard-earned wisdom of your elder." He said the last in a persuasive tone, though he grinned as he said it, and the blond sitting near him snorted and smiled in reply.

"I'm older than you," Fai reminded his father-in-law.

"You were born before I was," the man both agreed and argued, "but I have _lived_ more than you have. Now pay attention, stubborn little kit." The vulpine nickname cancelled out the reprimand, and the blond smiled despite the topic they were on.

Fai's unusual coloring and powerful magic had earned him some suspicion when he'd first arrived in Nihon to settle as a permanent resident, and a rumor had taken hold that the Lord of Suwa's heir had been bewitched by a mischievous fox spirit, or "yako". The somewhat malign moniker had been softened into the more affectionate nickname of "zenko" or benevolent fox spirit as people had gotten to know the strange stranger better, and Fai himself had adapted to his new world. By the time he entered the Kurogane household officially, people were actually congratulating the young master on finding and binding such a powerful and lucky spirit to him, and Fai was called "zenko" almost as often as he was called "priest". But only his father-in-law called him "kit".

"It's been four months," the dark-haired man said, resuming a more sober and serious air. "I haven't heard you mention my son nor my wife unless I force you to it. I know you must think of them often, as fond of heart as you are, but you're either stifling or turning your face from your own thoughts, and it's beginning to wear on you." At this, Fai could feel protests welling up inside his throat all over again, and it seemed to show in his face, for he got another placating gesture.

"You're far from breaking, but 'far from breaking' is still not 'perfectly sound', and just as we repair even a single broken stitch in our saddles as soon as we have the opportunity, I will not let you begin to wear down if it can be prevented. We have another week or so before the other battalions join us, and a few days to properly order the regiment, and then we ride. And three days after that...we decide the battle." The air in the tent seemed to grow close and heavy as the commander so succinctly laid out their near futures, and Fai thinned his lips and grew a bit tense as the man continued speaking.

"We will win the war - I am as sure of it as I can be - but I am no dreamseer like my Lady, to catch glimpses of our future. I do not know what awaits us. I do not know what awaits _you_ , and I will not have you strained to where a sudden shock undoes you, even temporarily. I do not mean that I fear you'll break as you did in Infinity, but the consequences will be just as dire if you lose command of yourself so far as to become heedless of your own safety for even five seconds. Let the wards warp, and you may suffer guilt over the lives lost because of it. Let your guard drop, and you may pay an even greater price. As commander it is my duty to ensure that my priest - one of my weapons - is battle ready. As a father, I owe it to my son to ensure his chosen one is returned to him safe and sound. As _your_ father, I would keep you happy for my own sake." The Lord of Suwa let these ideas sink in for a moment, and he soon saw in Fai's face that the mage was past the impulse of defensiveness and taking in what was being said.

"You mustn't overdraw your bow or stuff your pack too full," the pseudo-older man said, relating these little nuggets of common sense with a fond smile. "Neither should you strain your heart too much. Not you, with all your history of loss and depth of feeling." The deep voice was strong with conviction and the wisdom that experience brings, not education, and then grew gentler as the lord exhorted his son-in-law to take care of himself, not just watch over others. "Speak of those you miss. Do not let delicacy toward me keep you silent even of your mother. Take comfort from the good memories and hope for more in the future. Weep if you miss your husband and be not ashamed of it. And let someone hold you and keep you warm if you are lonely and yearning. Let yourself be comforted."

Fai listened and understood, agreed with most of it and was yet bewildered by the remainder.

"What are you saying?" he asked finally in a plaintive voice. "That I should run out and find a bonded one for myself? I understand what you say. I do. But you cannot think I could find any comfort in the arms of a stranger or friendly acquaintance."

"No, I cannot," the other agreed, and then smiled again as Fai quirked his eyebrows up in incomprehension, feeling as if he'd somehow lost his way in this conversation and now stood in the middle of a mist without knowing when and how he'd gotten there. The blond waited, but the sometimes quite loquacious - at least in comparison of his son - man had fallen silent for the moment and just looked at Fai, waiting.

It was the look of a parent, a guardian, a teacher; someone born to guide and protect and love. Patient, not simply because the man was patient, but because he expected Fai to have the intelligence to understand what was being said sooner rather than later. The red eyes were expectant and the corner of the man's mouth was tugging up into its habitual amusement. It was the look of someone waiting for their companion to get the point of a fable, or find the humor in a tale.

Fai thought about it. The idea that he was to find a bonded one among the men in their camp was not what his father-in-law was trying to communicate. But when he attempted to discard the entire idea, he was left with nothing. This particular portion of the conversation had begun and continued and ended on the idea of Fai finding comfort for himself, and the topic all along had been on bonded ones. So he was being encouraged toward the idea of finding a bonded one for himself, but not among the many strangers and acquaintances. Someone, instead, whom he knew intimately enough to be able to enjoy another sort of intimacy with. Someone he knew and cared for and trusted and...

"You're joking," he blurted, eyes gone wide and lingering formality lying dead on the floor. The lord took this casual, almost insolent familiarity in stride and only smiled yet more and shook his head.

"Why do you think he assigned you as my priest, when he found that he could not keep you by his own side?" he asked, and watched in surprise and then comprehension when his son-in-law's face went slack in shock and then crumbled.

"He didn't tell you that he'd tried to take you with him," he murmured then, in a low voice almost as if only speaking to himself, and now he sighed and shook his head, all traces of amusement gone temporarily. "That stubborn, prideful idiot."

Fai involuntarily laughed at hearing the word "idiot" applied to Kurogane for once, but it was a short, breathy little thing that he hastily suppressed with one shaky hand in case it turned into a sob. He missed his beloved more than ever now, and the longing he was being encouraged to express instead of smother and ignore almost overwhelmed him. He looked this way and that, casting about on the mats and table and canvas walls for something to focus on and failing to find a decent spot to anchor his mind. Blue eyes finally moved to lock with red ones, but Fai remained silent, unable to think of anything to say. He could hardly order his thoughts, all jumbled and confused and disturbed by emotion as they were.

"You needn't change anything," his father-in-law said after a long look. "If we were mistaken, and you will suffer no less strain in bearing your loneliness in silence than if you asked me to comfort you, then let it be so."

Distracted by the discovery both heartwarming and heartbreaking that Kurogane had indeed attempted to keep the two of them together, the wizard had missed the other implication in the other man's words, but now he snapped his head up in startlement as one word in particular caught his attention.

"'We'..." quoted Fai in a slightly choked voice, dropping his hand away to land on the table as if for support. "You two _discussed_ this?" _Hey Dad, off to war. Keep my spouse warm for me, will you?_

"Not in so many words," replied the taller, with a snort at the idea of such a conversation. "When he took leave of us--"

" _'Us'?!_ " Fai then squeaked, voice and blood pressure rising with each new fragment of information. "Mother was in the room?" _Oh by the way, he likes having his hair touched, too._

"Don't interrupt when your elder is speaking; it's rude. And of course she was." His tone was more teasing than scolding, but not much of either. The watchfulness and concern that had made him draw Fai aside for the beginning of this talk during the afternoon was more apparent now as the priest's composure unraveled. "I tried to convey to you that this thing is known and accepted, and I meant by all," he added quietly.

Fai wanted to faint. Apparently three years wasn't long enough in a country to negate the possibility of culture shock. The blond had thought he'd done a fairly good job of taking in the concept of bondmates in a short period of time, but having to apply it directly to his own life was spinning his head on his shoulders. He did his level best to pay attention when his father-in-law continued speaking after Fai's unthinking interruption, but it was hard to listen over the sounds of his brain breaking.

"When he took leave, he told me to take care of you, and to let you guard me as you would," came the explanation, and then a question was asked. "And what did he say to you, when he parted from you that morning?"

"...to keep you safe, and...to let you take care of me," Fai answered in a faint voice. Oh but surely Kurogane hadn't meant _this_.

The dark head nodded, and Fai was given another lengthy, assessing look. The blond had preserved his calm while considering the concept of bonded ones in a general way, but Fai now feared that he wasn't weathering this closer-to-home conversation very well. When his father-in-law spoke again, however, there was no chiding or unkind humor, and no pressing. Just...options.

"So then, let me take care of you," the man said in a mild, conversational manner. "Whether that takes the form of my being the one to whom you can speak freely, or whether you wish me to be your bonded one, is yours to decide. I can lend you what comfort you wish; ear, shoulder, arms, or all. You understood earlier that there is none of the wrongdoing or betrayal in the men finding bondmates for themselves. And you also understood that he, who was born and raised here though you first met him in another world, thinks of it as a right and good thing when it is needful. So try to understand now that he made certain you would have someone you could turn to, and I am offering to be that one, for only one reason; we care for you."

Fai struggled and his father-in-law waited, the air grown hushed and quiet as if even their tent was anticipating the wizard's answer. With day's end, the hum of background noise that all the conversation and bustle of the camp created had died down, and all was quiet both within and without. A strange reluctance to break the silence grew over the mage, but he knew that he was expected to respond in one way or another. The problem was, he had no idea what to say.

"I don't know what I want of you right now," Fai finally confessed a bit helplessly. As it often was, the wizard found that the anxious anticipation he'd been suffering through was far worse than the actual event.

"You don't have to," came the reply, easy and understanding, and it took some tension out of the slender shoulders. "Sleep on it if you wish. For as many nights as you need. I only drew you aside earlier today to begin this conversation because I thought you were showing signs of strain, not because I thought you were already beginning to break under it."

Fai thought it unlikely that he would be able to fall asleep, all full as his head was, but he decided that admitting it would sound too much like a thinly veiled request to be invited to bed to do otherwise than _sleep_ , so the wizard kept his mouth shut. He smiled and nodded and then thanked his father-in-law for his attention and concern, and the short remainder of the evening slipped speedily through his rather taxed mental fingers.

As soon as he was lying upon his sleeping mat, however, time slowed to a crawl and he watched its progress with wide eyes despite all circumstances being favorable for slumber. The night was peaceful but not too eerily quiet with the rivers, horses and night birds providing a soothing murmur, the weather was open and the temperature just chilly enough to make the weight of his blanket welcome. Neither was there anything within the tent to keep him from sleep. The lamp was doused, wisps of a breeze filtered in through the lightly fastened entrance to the tent to keep the air from turning stifling, and his tent-mate didn't snore.

As for himself, he was well, unwounded and washed up. The simple robe he wore to sleep in was clean and comfortable. He was warm, dry and fed.

To counterbalance all this, he missed Kurogane so much that it was causing him physical pain. In an effort to be strong - stoic and reliable like the man he so loved, the _men_ he so respected - he'd been repressing the tendency to dwell on all that made him worry and fret. It wasn't the way he was meant to properly deal with stress, however, and his commander had called him on it. Insight had been provided by Fai's husband and action taken by Fai's father-in-law, and now the blond lay curled around his aching, burning heart and struggling with the idea of the comfort he was allowed to ask for.

His mind kept whirling around everything he'd been told. He understood the concept and value of bonded ones. He knew that while the personal values and morals that he'd grown up with weren't wrong, per se, it was for his happiness that he adapt himself to the differences found in his third - and final - home. It wasn't as if there were any major differences, in fact. Murder and adultery and stealing were still wrong. There were just some minor adjustments.

When he reasoned things out thusly, it sounded simple. But when he imagined crawling a few feet across the matting and being drawn into his tent-mate's arms, he squirmed and buried his face into two fistfuls of blanket, confused all out of composure. And he did imagine it despite himself, because he'd gotten to the point where he couldn't deny that he desired comfort, and that of a physical kind. A childhood spent yearning for human contact had formed him into an adult with a bit of a hedonistic streak where touch was concerned, and after four months away from his lover, he realized that he was _starving_.

Fai might have found settling down in Nihon a bit hard due to his ingrained craving for physical affection, since the people of this country were averse to casual physical contact. Instead of kisses or hugs or hand-clasps, people exchanged nods and bows and eye contact. The only time Fai saw a woman sitting in a man's lap was if she was being hired out by the half-hour, and if someone was holding your hand as you walked down the street, it was because you were too big to be carried but too young to be trusted not to toddle off in a different direction.

Kurogane had made the necessary circumspection more than bearable, however, by indulging his clingy beloved whenever they were alone. As Fai had grown more comfortable in his new home, he'd begun to test the waters and had eventually discovered the invisible boundaries within which he lived. With his husband and in-laws, he could be utterly unrestrained. Before most of the senior servants, he could still cuddle and hand out light kisses at will. Under other eyes, he needed to keep his more affectionate tendencies under wraps. It had turned out not to be so bad, however, for privacy was so valued in Nihon that despite the sheer number of servants roaming about, most of the time he was left alone with his companion of the moment unless they actually went into the kitchens or stables or some other part of the manor generally considered to be the servants' domain.

Fai had even discovered a new delight to be found in forced restraint. He hadn't understood the charm of delayed gratification until coming to Nihon and finally, finally understanding that "tomorrow" was not such an unknown, uncertain thing. There was now a charm in waiting for things - a kiss, a meal, a holiday, a change of seasons - because he could be almost certain that if he only waited, he would receive. Death still loomed, but at a distance instead of around every corner. They no longer had to live out of packs, never knowing when Mokona-chan would sprout wings and whisk them away to another world. And he wasn't just a convenient bedmate; he was Kurogane's until death.

The blond now had a room, and furniture, and boxes of off-season clothes in storage. He had feasted on yellow cherries until the end of the season and had been able to look forward to tasting them again the next year. He had made new acquaintances and had been able to look forward to getting to know them better. He had congratulated men on their wives conceiving and had been able to look forward to seeing which parent the child resembled most when it was born. And when he'd been on his best behavior before guests but had found a moment in which to surreptitiously give Kurogane a fond look and a particular smile, he'd looked forward to being ambushed later in a quiet hallway and then dragged off to a conveniently empty room.

He'd known how to wait fearfully. Kurogane had taught him to eagerly anticipate.

For years now, Fai had been indulged - shamelessly spoiled, even - in his desire for love, both emotional and physical. Kurogane was many things but shy was not one of them. The ninja desired privacy, but once that was supplied, he met, matched and sometimes even outstripped Fai in depth of passion and desire for intimacy. Once he'd finally rooted out the cause of Fai's tendency towards clinginess, Kurogane had even ceased complaining about heat and discomfort and willingly allowed his sweaty, sticky, contentedly purring lover to fall asleep while glued to him, nose to toes.

Seven years of being the man's lover, five years of knowing - really _knowing_ \- he was loved, and three years of perfect happiness of family and home were bad preparatory work, in a way, for going off to war for such a one as Fai. It had been four months since he'd touched and been touched by his husband, three weeks since he'd even heard news of him, and now that he was allowing himself to actually miss the man, the bereft blond suddenly felt as if he'd just curl up and die if he wasn't held and soothed. He wanted Kurogane, not just for sex although the gods only knew he wanted that pretty badly, but simply to hold and be held, to gaze into crimson eyes and listen to deep, even breaths. Knowing that he couldn't have Kurogane at that moment led to thoughts of what he _could_ have, and then he was writhing and trying to drown himself in his bedding again.

He wondered if he could suffocate himself in his blanket and pass out, because sleep wasn't happening naturally.

"Stop thinking so loudly; you're keeping me awake," a deep voice noted dryly, and Fai startled and then laughed a short, helpless laugh.

"I apologize," he murmured contritely, and tried to settle down, both body and brain. A futile attempt, he knew, but he had to at least try. He kind of wished in a wry, not-really-meaning-it kind of way that his father-in-law had kept his mouth shut. Was there something in this bloodline that made its members physiologically incapable of letting him mope?

"Never mind the apology," the other man said while propping himself up on one elbow, and then patted the mat he lay upon much as he'd done to the floor earlier when inviting Fai to sit closer 'round the table. "Come over here."

Though generally obedient to this man's orders, there was a decided hesitation at this point from the blond, and there came a chuckle from the shadowy figure.

"I'm not going to throw you down and devour you, kit. Just come here."

This was met with another silence, perhaps a bit heavier than the one previous due to the mental images now hanging in the air somewhere between the two beds, but the Lord of Suwa was a patient man and waited quietly. If he was amused at the blond's uncertainty, he only indulged in a grin, not a laugh, and his expression was lost in shadows. When Fai realized that the man was serious, he flipped back his blanket and crept over, a ghost in a pale grey robe. His wide blue eyes caught at what little light there was, and the loose strands of his hair drifted about his face as he moved, gold bleached to silver in the darkness.

Fai knelt, full of curiosity and with random expectations flitting in and out of his head, and looked seekingly at his father-in-law. Instead of further speech, there was a large hand sliding up along his bare forearm and then over his sleeve. Before the wizard could do much more than take in a quick breath and feel his heart kick against his ribs, he was unceremoniously grabbed by one shoulder and turned. One blink later, Fai was once again on his side on a sleeping mat with a blanket settling cozily over him.

The sleeping mat and blanket, however, were not his own, nor was the warmth seeping through his robe and into his skin. Fai turned his head and tried to peer up over his shoulder, but got his hair ruffled into his eyes and had to squint them shut. The fond, parental gesture made him laugh breathily. It was too much of a contrast to the ideas that had flashed through his mind at the initial touch of that calloused, gentle hand.

Whatever his mind might try to claim in its more careful moments, his immediate - _honest_ \- reaction to the fingers running up his arm was difficult to argue with. He had wondered if he was about to be dragged down for a kiss. He'd even thought that he could predict how it would be; a gentle but insistent tug down, everything at a slow but not-too-slow pace that would leave him time enough to turn his face away if he wanted but not enough time to over-think and get skittish. He'd imagined warmth of breath and skin, he'd wondered if these lips resembled Kurogane's in taste and feel as well as look, and he had _wanted_.

But instead of being tugged down for a kiss, he'd been tucked in and given a pat on the head. He just _had_ to laugh.

"I thought you said you weren't going to throw me down?" he asked in a stage whisper, combing his bangs out of his eyes and pillowing his head on the cloth-covered bicep conveniently nearby.

"I said I wouldn't throw you down and devour you," came the reply, accompanied by a chuckle. "I said nothing of throwing you down and mussing your hair."

"Ah, I see." There was a thoughtful pause, and then he chirped up again. "I thought I had to ask first before you became my bonded one?" Fai queried, turning his head again to peer sidelong over the muscular arm draped along his own and falling across his hip.

"You do. But you're not in my bed as a lover right now. I'm soothing a fussy child who won't go to sleep."

Fai couldn't argue that one. He wriggled a bit to settle himself more comfortably, accepting his cozy fate for the night and pondering.

"I thought--"

"You think too much," interrupted his tent-mate turned bed-mate, and then growled out his next few words in a way that tickled at Fai, both against the curve of his ear and somewhere underneath his breastbone. "Go. To. Sleep."

"Yes Kuro-Daddy." A snort ruffled Fai's hair at this playful acquiescence.

"Scamp."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regarding Fai's age being more than that of his father-in-law: during Fai's transformation into a vampire, Yuuko tells Kurogane that the wizard's lifespan will not change much despite his new nature. Vampires are long lived, even the "second generation" type, but so are mages. She mentions that Fai has already lived multiple times the length of time that Kurogane has. The word she uses for "multiple" is rather vague as to exactly how many, somewhat like the word "hrair" from Watership Down. If Fai was only twice Kurogane's age I think Yuuko would have simply said "twice as long as you". Because she used a more vague word, I believe Fai was at least thrice Kurogane's age at the time. Based on this assumption and some other little hints in the LeCourt arc, I concluded that Fai is older than Kurogane's father.


	3. Chapter 3

Fai woke up the next day among a strange but overall pleasant mix of sensations. He was alone, but could almost still feel the comforting weight of his father-in-law's arm over his body. The cool morning air leeched some of the heat from his exposed face and fingers, but there was a lingering warmth in the empty space behind him just beginning to fade away. He hadn't slept much, but he'd slept well, and woke up feeling much more refreshed and relaxed than he could have rightly expected to under his present circumstances.

The blond turned his face into the sleeping mat and closed his eyes again, inhaling slowly and savoring this strangeness of waking up in a bed not his own, and not the one he shared with his husband either. It wasn't waking up in a stranger's bed, alone and accompanied by guilt and disgust. It wasn't even taking advantage of the comfort that had been offered too soon for his heart and mind to properly adjust. This was only and exactly what his father-in-law had said it was; comforting a child.

He sniffed at the bedding and smiled. The enhanced sharpness of his sense of smell and taste that he'd gained in Tokyo were still in effect, though his eyes were blue again and bright with magic. Regaining his eye had restored the orb and his power, but had not completely eradicated the vampire essence within him as the Dimensional Witch had said it would. They didn't know why, and by the time they'd discovered it, Yuuko-san had passed on. Perhaps the answer lay in Fai's acceptance of his vampire nature. When he'd regained his magic, his vampirism had no longer been an open wound in his heart but rather a scar he was even proud to own. A mark upon him to tell of the value Kurogane put on his life. Perhaps he could have cured himself. But he hadn't wanted to.

However it came to be, it was indisputable that the predator within him only slept; it had not been destroyed. Feeding was no longer necessary to sustain life but he still hungered for his lover's blood and enjoyed the benefits of heightened senses. As he drew in a deep breath, Fai could smell his own scent mingled with his bedmate's among other scents of cotton and earth, traces of steel and soap and sweat. It was not exactly the same as the fragrance of the bed he shared with Kurogane, but it was like enough to give him both a pang of yearning and a hot bloom of comfort in his chest.

He suddenly wondered what his father-in-law's blood would taste like, and blinked open his eyes in startlement at the thought.

Fai exhaled and then scrambled lightly out of bed to stretch and then begin his day. The faint smile that he'd woken up with stayed on his face through the morning and afternoon for the most part. Sometimes it would need to be tucked away while he conversed with others, and sometimes it split open into a laugh, but mostly it just ghosted about the corners of his mouth. The wizard felt refreshed, as when a person finally realizes they are healthy again after a long illness. He felt renewed, and let his thoughts mull over this feeling while half-listening to the other battalions' priests idly gossiping.

It was like the first morning without Kurogane. That night, he wouldn't have bet even a single copper coin that he'd be able to sleep, or that if he did, he'd benefit from the rest. But his mother-in-law had soothed him with her empathy and gentle presence, and he'd woken up calm and collected. And last night, he'd predicted a sleepless night for himself spent tossing and turning in body while his mind tossed and turned new and confusing thoughts about within his skull. But his father-in-law had lent him warmth of heart and body, and he'd woken up contented and cheered.

This wasn't happiness or satisfaction. He needed Kurogane for those. But Fai could be cheerful and content while he had love to keep him warm and hope to keep him fired. In the soft light of early morning, he could see clearly that he'd been wrong to close his eyes to how much he missed his husband and how badly he feared that they would never again meet. Those were the sharp sides of his love, but still of his love nonetheless.

He had to admit that he missed Kurogane in order to take comfort in the memories of their love and all the reasons why he missed the man in the first place. And he had to acknowledge his fear that he would never see his beloved again in order to be able to cling to the hope that they would soon be reunited. Fai had refused to take hold of a sword hilt for fear of bringing the deadly blade close to him, but in doing so he'd simply put himself in danger of accidentally cutting himself with a weapon left out of his awareness and control.

And now his father-in-law was offering a sheath to help manage that cutting edge of his affection.

The idea of sword and sheath to describe his feelings suddenly turned Fai's mind to other more common applications for the metaphor, and the flustered man had to hide his confusion in a light cough as he was caught by surprise by thoughts inappropriate for a conference of war. He was not directly involved in the discussion being held; that would have been a grave indiscretion indeed, to let his thoughts dwell on personal matters to the point of distraction when his mind was being required by his commander. It was still a discourtesy, however, and he made an effort to master his unruly thoughts and pay attention as the three battalion leaders already encamped gathered to share amongst themselves the messages that had arrived late that morning, both by wing and by rider.

He and the other head priests were gathered slightly apart from the men they served under, having a more casual but no less official gathering of their own. In this hierarchical society, quite often the real negotiations were accomplished far below the actual decision-making level. Things that could not be suggested, offered or accepted at the top of a chain of command without offering insult or losing face were often discussed among lesser ranks and then filtered back up.

If the Lord of Suwa wished to share his resources of healers and herbs with another commander, he could not simply send the men and medicines over, as if he were a far greater lord than the other and could make this generous gift. It was also insult to imply that this other commander had not been able to manage and command well enough to keep his men whole and his supplies stocked, to the point where the need was obvious enough to be noticed. Politeness also dictated that diplomatic offers should be refused unless in case of truly dire need, and pride kept the one in need from making requests.

Royal born and court raised, Fai took to his role as unofficial liaison, negotiator and ambassador like a fish to water or a swallow to the skies. He used his insight and instincts to understand what was being said without being spoken and to dig down to the true roots of various issues. He also turned his foreign looks to his advantage, when it could have easily become a weakness.

Strangers took one look at him and knew that he was not truly one of this country, though he might have been adopted and carved out a place for himself. Since he wasn't expected to be as knowing or insightful as one born and raised in this world, both expectations and guards were lowered around him. And since he couldn't be expected to have all the ways and manners of this country ingrained into his being, most people made generous allowances for any aberrations of behavior. Fai was unfailingly polite and knew how he was expected to behave, but if it turned out to be to his - or his commander's - advantage that he press an issue further than politeness allowed or ask a question that was a shade inappropriate, he played the "ignorant foreigner" bit up.

"He doesn't know any better," they thought to themselves, with sometimes smug superiority, and Fai smiled and thought, _oh, if you only knew_ with much better veiled smugness.

Today's order of business was nothing extraordinary. The three battalions encamped by the rivers were still in waiting mode. Messages had arrived from the other two battalions on their way, and there were some short updates from the main theater of war and the capital, but the situation here at the Miki and Miyata rivers remained unchanged so far as the priests knew. They were to wait for all five battalions to arrive, form a regiment, and then march to join the main army. Victory was still expected on both fronts, and the order of the day was still for careful, coordinated war. There was no panic, no rush, and none of the disorganized frenzy that characterized the not-really-tactics of the enemy.

Fai exchanged some pleasantries, listened to fresh gossip, fished out some concerns, and finally parted from the other priests with some few things to entertain his commander with, but nothing to truly worry over. As the main conference broke up as well, blue eyes sought out red ones expectantly, and he was soon nodded over. His commander steered them back toward the tent they shared and the priest kept silent, having learned that these post-conference conversations were always to be kept private even if nothing of import was to be communicated. If the Lord of Suwa only drew his priest aside for private conversation when the news was bad, it could raise anxiety in the men whenever the two men did slip out of sight. By making every official or even semi-official conversation private, they kept them all innocuous whether it was good or evil that they were sharing.

Fai followed one step behind the taller man, unable to walk side by side due to his lesser station but allowed to stick close from his family relationship. He was eager after the news that was yet to be shared, but had no real anxiety over it, only curiosity. None of the other commanders had looked worried, nor had any of the other priests heard anything to concern them. The situation was always shifting, of course; war was an unstable, unpredictable beast. But the overall expectation that victory would be theirs both by the sea and at the capital had not changed, and the faint smile still lingered about Fai's mouth.

The sight of the tent they approached even tugged the curve of his lips deeper as he thought of the coming night. He still hadn't decided within himself whether he could bring himself around to the idea of adding another layer to his relationship with the man he trailed after now. The idea of being cuddled and coddled, however, was certainly attractive, and the affectionate blond began lightheartedly plotting how to invite himself into the other man's bed tonight, and even daringly toyed with the idea of an experimental nuzzle or chaste(ish) kiss. Just to see. Maybe.

"What news?" the Lord of Suwa asked in a normal tone of voice, once Fai had followed him into their tent and fastened the opening for privacy.

"Nothing of import," the blond replied, and began to relay the little tidbits he'd picked up. It seemed an ordinary bit of chat, and he kept his voice light, but he slowly tensed as he realized that the other man was thinking more than he was truly listening. When his unease crept into his voice despite the topic being some light gossip he'd picked up, his father-in-law nodded in such a way as to signal the end of Fai's side of the conversation, and the priest immediately fell silent.

"It changes nothing, so I will simply say it," the Lord of Suwa said without preamble. "The enemy has shifted focus. They seem no longer to be attempting to capture the capital but are focusing all their efforts there in killing the Tsukuyomi. They treat with demons and have focused their sharpest hatred on our largest temples; they naturally see our greatest priestess as the true figurehead and center of power for our people and seek now to kill her as a last act against us before they lose the war." The taller let this sink in for a moment and then continued again in a slightly less business-like manner.

"As I said...it changes nothing. The other commanders and I must meet again after the evening meal. I will be occupied for two hours at least, so make your rounds and take your meal without me if you wish." He received an obedient nod but no reply, and red eyes narrowed as he examined the damage his words had done. Fai's expression hadn't changed while the taller spoke, or rather Fai didn't have on much of an expression at all, and the lord frowned slightly to see it. Duty called, however, and they always answered, so when a light scratch came at the opening to the tent, the commander left his priest with only a nod, though the lord stopped to give his son-in-law a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

When he was alone in the tent, the blond took in a slightly trembling breath. When he let it out, he shivered, and glanced around him at the familiar tent walls as if not knowing where he was. In truth, he felt a little disoriented. The words "it changes nothing" seemed particularly inappropriate. The air had changed. Fai had walked into the tent on light steps, feeling warm and hopeful and looking forward to indulging in some play. Now he felt chilled and numb, as if the sun had gone out.

 _It changes nothing._ It changed everything.

The Tsukuyomi was now the main focus of the battle. All the might of the enemy forces gathered at the capital was now concentrated on her like a deadly spearpoint. They would throw all their resources into killing her, not just fighting against her and all her priests and priestesses in order to capture the city. Now they simply wanted the princess dead, and they would pit themselves against the specific forces devoted to protecting her in order to fulfill their goal.

The war suddenly distilled down into two sharp points for Fai; Kurogane against the enemy.

It was a foolish, illogical thought, and he knew it even as it struck terror into him. Kurogane was not the only ninja, and the ninja were not the only ones protecting the Tsukuyomi. Once the enemy's shift of interest had become apparent, measures would have been taken to ensure that the assassination attempts did not succeed. Princess Tomoyo had also not been the only dreamseer of her generation; it was possible that this turn of events had even been foreseen and prepared for even if she herself no longer had the power to see into the future.

In the grand scheme of things, it truly changed nothing. The orders for their battalion were still the same. Kurogane was in harm's way, but so had he been all these months. And yet Fai couldn't help but feel chilled. Born into a land of superstitions and curses, having adventured through worlds of science fiction and fantasy, and finally having settled into a country rich in signs and portents, it was difficult for the blond to let his heart be wrestled into submission by his head. The superstitious worry that Fate was just waiting for the cruelest moment in which to take his beloved away from him seemed like foresight now instead of anxiety, with this news serving as a warning that the time of fulfillment was nigh.

He wished his father-in-law hadn't had to leave so soon after relaying the news. He wanted comforting, and there was only one person in the battalion who could provide it.

Blue eyes sought the opening through which the man had left, and Fai got up and methodically began fastening the ties again, beginning with the lightly tied one in the corner. Slender fingers tugged the tie inside and knotted it a bit more securely, quick and sure from repetition despite distraction of mind. The lengths of cord were multi-functional, serving not just as a means to keep breezes out, but also to secure various levels of privacy. Though the ties could be fastened and undone from either side, the more knots had to be undone, the longer it would take to gain entry. On a simple level, the more ties you fastened, the more time you had to prepare for a visitor or returning tent-mate.

In this culture of unspoken words and subtle body language, the ties also served as a more distinct means of securing privacy. One tie tied from the inside was simply for politeness, to keep the inside of one's tent from being displayed for all to see, and anyone stopping by could undo it and walk in if there were no other considerations of rank and status and time of day to get in the way. Two meant that privacy was wished for but that interruptions were by no means unwelcome. Social calls stopped at two ties, and by the time you got to five ties, the tent needed to be on fire before you scratched at the canvas.

The blond stopped at three ties and then stood there a moment, holding the ends of the neatly tied cord in his hands and letting his mind drift a bit towards thoughts other than the dark ones it had temporarily been mired in. This had been one of the things he'd learned late. It wasn't exactly one of the little things anyone would randomly think to tell him about, since "camping" wasn't something that the people of this country did for entertainment. And once they had actually begun living out of tents during their longer stops, there had been much more to think about than whether or not the Valerian-born knew what the tent ties meant.

His father-in-law had given him a concerned look when Fai had fastidiously fastened all five ties before they'd settled down to their first meal together under a canvas roof, and had waited patiently for whatever terribly serious conversation the priest might wish to have. The dark-haired man's patience and affectionate gentleness had combined with Fai's ignorance and distracted state of mind at that time to draw the misunderstanding out through almost the entire meal, and they'd ended up staring at each other in perplexity. They'd finally untangled their assumptions - and some of the tent ties - over tea and laughed heartily over it, and the homesick, husbandsick wizard had fallen asleep with a small smile quirking his lips.

His mouth curved softly now as well as he let the cords fall from his fingers. Kurogane didn't coddle and fuss, but he took care of Fai in ways that took the blond's breath away. The ninja had in fact attempted to keep them together and when that had failed, had petitioned successfully to assign his lover to his father's battalion instead, so that Fai would still have family. Someone he already knew and loved and trusted. Someone to fill his heart and mind with, someone to protect and care for. Someone who would share in his longing for Suwa and the priestess left behind, and his worries for the ninja sent to the capital to guard the Tsukuyomi.

He wished again that his father-in-law hadn't had to leave so soon after relaying the news, but this time it was for the other's sake as well as his own. There was only one person in all the camp who could fully understand his heart-pain and give him the empathy he wished for, and it was because that one also suffered under the same worry. He wished he'd thought of it sooner instead of being so immediately wrapped up in only his own anxieties. He ought to have offered something in return for the reassurance that nothing had changed. Agreement. A hopeful wish. Something.

The blond smiled again, but this time it was a soft, rueful thing. He was spoiled. After being starved for trust and affection and peace for so long he'd indulged himself shamelessly in letting himself be loved and protected and cared for in every way. In and of itself it was no bad thing, but he'd grown lazy in his love. He had wished to emulate the stoicism and strength of the men of the family he'd married into. He needed to emulate their love instead. There lay the true foundation of their strength; the desire to watch over and protect the ones they cared for that put force behind their sword arms and determination into those fiery red eyes. The heart-fire that warmed those around them and burned away all obstacles and enemies.

Fai stepped away from the entrance and knelt upon one of the pillows that lay about. Even this simple, habitual gesture helped to calm him, combined as it was in his mind with the thought of what he meant to do. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and settled himself to do his duty, both personal and priestly, by praying for the safety and success of his husband and his commander's heir. His first prayers were, as always, to the Guardian of Suwa. He commended Kurogane to the dragon god, praising the man's steadfastness and strength, courage and honor, and all the other ways in which the warrior was worthy of the deity's favor. He begged the Great Guardian to guide his servant's steps on unfamiliar soil, strengthen his warrior's arm against the enemy, make keen the man's senses for danger and keep his mind sharp despite fatigue and whatever else might distract him.

He prayed the same for his father-in-law, who had so many of the qualities that had drawn Fai to his lover, and yet who was so different in other ways. And then the priest prayed to the sun goddess who watched over all the fair land. He beseeched her for victory for her incarnation, Amaterasu, who sought to defend her country from the enemies who desired to defile it with the blood of its people. He begged victory also from the sun goddess's husband, the moon, for his first priestess who was in such peril.

His devotions became wider in scope toward the end as he prayed for the men in the battalion, then everyone in the Mikado's forces, and finally for all the good people of the country. Supplication spread out as well from the greater deities to the ten thousand lesser gods and goddesses who had power over various parts of the country, from the mysterious deities that ruled over mountains and rainclouds to the little serpent spirits who populated rivers and streams. Blue eyes opened again to the prosaic interior of the tent he knelt in at the termination of his prayers, and Fai spent a moment in quiet contemplation of more earthly affairs. Prayer had soothed him temporarily but worry still had a hold of him, and nothing but seeing Kurogane safe again could remove those poison-coated fangs from his heart.

Noises filtering in through the canvas distracted him out of his brooding, making him realize that it was time for the evening meal and therefore his social rounds. He had done part of his duty by devoting himself to private intercession. Now it was time for him to fulfill another aspect of his role in a more public manner by showing his face to the men and reminding them by his presence that they were protected by more than just armor and weapons. They had the gods' favor and the blessings and wards of a powerful priest besides, and among some of them, Fai's smile also served to cheer their hearts and lift their spirits. He was part priest, part jester, and part good luck charm.

Keen blue eyes searched around once in a while, but the encampment was large and lines of sight broken by tents. Fai knew that his father-in-law was in conference, but couldn't help hoping all the same that the meeting might have broken early and allow him a glimpse of the man, and he ended up back at his tent feeling lonesome despite the hour he'd just spent being greeted and welcomed and chatted to amiably. His innate desire for touch wasn't the only mark left on his character by his past; he felt the differences between acquaintance and friend, and family and lover more keenly than most, and not all the cheerful chat from a thousand fellow soldiers could equal the value of a simple greeting from someone he truly loved.

An approving look from his father-in-law was better than high honors from the Mikado and all her court, and a smile from his mother-in-law meant more to him than songs of praise from the entire nation. The dearer someone was to Fai, the greater power they had to both lift him up and bring him crashing down. The wizard believed that he would rather spend another hundred years in that dread valley than hear Kurogane speak coldly to him, and would rather turn a blade against himself than use the sharp side of his tongue against the ninja as he had before, when they'd been at odds.

Fai refused the dinner that had been prepared in readiness for his usual meal time, only accepting a bowl of soup. His stomach still felt knotted from the news that had come from the Ccpital - the feeling coming back stronger now that he wasn't distracted - and he didn't think he could keep a whole meal down with any comfort, even a light one such as he usually partook of owing to their habitually late dinner hour. He spent some time just holding the warm bowl in his hands as if trying to let the heat seep all the way into his core. Fai ended up with a bowl of tepid soup and a gnawing sensation in his stomach that he thought was part hunger and part anxiety.

He downed his simple meal in the hopes of at least quelling the hunger part of the feeling, but it didn't seem to help much, and the wizard ended up wistfully looking toward the entrance with his hands still cupped around his now empty bowl. The attitude was much like a child wishing for food with which to fill its belly, but what Fai was hungry for was comfort, not comestibles. Slender fingers slid away and knit together since they had nothing else to hold on to, and the blond rested his forehead against them with his eyes shut.

 _Great Guardian of Suwa... mighty dragon...mighty dragon who races across the heavens...master of all waters..._ The words he'd thought quietly and spoken aloud countless times came to him haltingly now; troubled waters over an unquiet mind. Fai clasped his hands tight, pale brow wrinkling as he frowned in concentration. _I beseech your protection on...on...protect the ones who wield the sword that bears your name...protect...oh Great Guardian protect him, please, please protect him..._

The priest's ceremonial prayer for protection over the warriors of the Suwa household crumbled into the broken pleas of a desperately worried spouse. _Protect him, keep him safe, keep him_ alive. _Oh Great Guardian let him be alive, I beg you, don't let him die. Please don't let him die. I need him, I need him._ All the talk of strength was well and good but it crumbled away in the face of this renewed, redoubled danger his husband was in.

Most men feared their own death. Fai feared Kurogane's, or rather he feared his own life after Kurogane's death. It was the one great terror of his happy new life, all the more terrible because he knew it was almost unavoidable; outliving the man he loved and having to live out the remainder of his long life as a widower. His adoptive father and mother would die as well, and then the three who formed almost all of Fai's current happiness would be gone, and he would have only memories to sustain him. He could give Kurogane no children to continue the family's line and give him another vessel to pour his heart into, and he scorned the thought of living to love again. Not once in all the worlds and dimensions they'd traveled to had he ever met anyone who could come close to the ninja in any of the hundred qualities that made Fai love him so utterly.

It was enough to make him think of vowing to follow the man into death.

He took his duty as a priest seriously and he certainly believed. He had adopted more than the language and the ways of this land long ago and never would have taken on this role if he hadn't had faith - he was done living lies, thank you - but suddenly it all seemed ineffective and insufficient. Man was a curious creature, capable of so many lofty and complex, complicated things, and yet at times, ruled utterly by the base instincts of the body; pain, lust, hunger. Fai suffered under all three. A little breath - half sob, half whimper - escaped him and he gave up even the pretense of prayer, letting his thoughts run away from him and toward the man he loved like wild horses breaking away.

 _I need you, I need you, oh gods I miss you_ so much _. Where are you?_ Please _be alive, please come back to me. Oh gods, don't do this, don't take him away from me. I can't do this, I can't lose another person, I can't lose_ him _. I can't, I can't, I just can't..._

His eyes were closed and anguish had made him deaf to all the little noises that filtered in through the canvas walls and the lightly fastened door-flap. The first he knew of the commander's return from his late evening conference was the slithering noise of the tent ties giving way to an impatient tug, and he gasped in a startled breath and looked up to see the man stepping inside. Keen red eyes were on him from the beginning as if having been seeking him out, and the tall, muscular figure froze half-in, half-out of the tent at catching Fai with his heart completely uncovered and all his pain laid bare in those glittering blue eyes.

The dark head turned away to look outside again, and Fai impulsively tried to jump to his feet, afraid all of a sudden that the man meant to leave again to give him a moment of privacy in which to collect himself. In his current mood, Fai was more likely to crumble into further pieces, and he went to stop the other from leaving. Haste and emotion cancelled out his usual grace, and he ended up kneeling on the edge of his own tunic, pinning himself to the floor for a moment and setting his clothing all askew. The delay was long enough to make him understand that he was mistaken as the commander remained in the doorway, only speaking to someone before stepping fully inside.

"Take it away; I've changed my mind," the Lord of Suwa said in a commanding tone, such as he naturally used when he was talking to the servants. His voice was never harsh without cause, but the gentle affection that Fai loved to listen for didn't creep in without cause either. "No, I'm retiring for the night." And with that, he moved completely inside, but still gave his son-in-law that moment to collect himself by taking the time to fasten up the tent ties. One, two, three, four, and then he turned around to find his tent-mate standing an arm's length away, clothing smoothed out but face a wreck of pain and longing and fear. He waited, and Fai struggled and then finally spoke.

"I miss him," the grieving wizard blurted, his voice a small, broken thing. It wasn't so much a confession of weakness to a superior as it was a child demanding that a parent fix something for them, however unfixable it - the toy, the friendship, the heart - might be. The lord _had_ urged honesty, and Fai did try to be an obedient son-in-law. "I miss him," he said again, plaintive and helpless.

_I miss him. Do something. Help me._

"I know," came the reply, and there was that in the man's voice that told Fai that he wasn't the only one whose thoughts were to the northeast. The dark head nodded and then a hand was held out. Permission that he didn't know he was waiting for received, the wizard moved without thinking, stepping forward into that space between arm and chest and burrowing into the warmth he found there. Pale fingers clawed into dark fabric and Fai buried his face into the other man's shirt, but it didn't fully smother the words spilling from his lips.

"I miss him, I miss him," he said again, over and over, and each repetition was met with another quiet acknowledgment murmured into his hair. Fai hadn't expected to be chided for weakness or admonished to be strong, but somehow this gentle acceptance and the strong arms wrapped around his upper body undid him, and all his unreasonable selfishness came pouring out.

"I want to see him, I want to be there with him," he half-sobbed, echoes of cries torn from him long ago in a snowy valley. But this time it was not his brother he so desperately wanted to go to, that other half of him born of the same womb that he'd begun his life with. It was his lover, to whom he'd cleaved; the other half of him that he wanted to be with until death separated them and was now terrified of that death coming too, too soon. The hopeless wishes continued to spill forth, and though they could not be granted, they were at least acknowledged.

"I know you do," his father-in-law murmured again, bowing his head over Fai's fair one and holding the slender form firmly. He couldn't do anything directly for the son of his blood and bone just now except pray and believe, but he had another son but recently gained who needed him in a more immediate, material way. For his heir, he would command his battalion to the best of his ability and help in all the ways he could to win this war as quickly as possible. For this other one, he could do something simpler, yet more profound.

"Ask me," he said, turning his head slightly and brushing his lips against Fai's temple. The words alone might not have caught at the blond's attention, but combined with the gesture, they caused a hitch and then a pause in the pleas. They were both silent and still for a long, drawn-out moment while one waited for a response and the other wondered whether he had heard correctly. When Fai eventually lifted his face, it was clear in his expression that he understood, and also that he'd made his decision.

"What words do I use?" he asked, not knowing what ceremony or vow might be involved in the creation of this new tie between them, ignorant as he had been of even the possibility of it existing a couple of days ago. The voice that had been rising in pitch a moment ago dropped to almost a whisper, though it was by no means calm. Instead of fear and anguish causing him to shake, now the fine tremors running through voice and limb were from anticipation and _want_.

"There is no formula for this," the taller replied with a ghost of a smile quirking one side of his mouth up. "We both know what it is we're speaking of. Just tell me what you want."

 _So many ways to answer,_ Fai thought, with a helpless up-tilt of his eyebrows at the options that immediately came to mind. _Make me forget; everything, even unto my own name. Help me remember warmth and love and hope. Throw me down again and this time, devour me. Hold me. Love me. Claim me._ And somewhere in the back of his mind was the lingering, wondering worry that it was wrong to be feeling lust curling dangerously in his belly for this red-eyed warrior, when the red-eyed warrior he was married to was in peril miles away, but he told that part of his brain to shut up and catch up.

"Comfort me," Fai pled, and slid his arms up to curl around the other's neck, coming up onto his toes and pulling with his arms to draw himself closer. That quickly diminishing voice in the back of his head made one last effort, expressing disbelief at this entire scenario but he dismissed it as foolish. He'd fallen in love not just with the citizen of Nihon whom he'd first met at the Dimensional Witch's shop, but with the world entire. He loved its history and legends, its rich culture and fascinating spirituality. He loved the varied terrain and every beautiful season. He loved the people and their values, morals and beliefs.

Valeria had given him nothing but Fai - the real one, not Yuui whom everyone called Fai - and had taken that precious person away from him as well. Celes had been a pleasant purgatory beginning with faith and ending with betrayal and tinted all throughout with hopelessness for his future. Nihon...Nihon was the heaven he'd struggled to gain - attain, not deserve; he valued himself more highly now than he ever had but he didn't think anyone could earn a place, a life, like _this_ \- and he gladly threw his all into being a worthy citizen of it just as he tried to be a worthy mate and son.

Knowing now, thinking again, that what his father-in-law offered and what he was about to accept was not just allowable but a right and good thing burned away the last of his doubt. The desire - not just the desire for comfort but _desire_ \- softened into that familiar sweet ache instead of twisting his gut with mingled lust and guilt. Where once he hesitated and thought - overthought - the matter, now he just let his heart pour out of his mouth without first routing it all through his brain.

"Hold me," he begged, closing his eyes in something almost like pain and turning his face to speak against a tanned neck. "Take me into your bed again, but this time as your lover, not your child."

"All right," came the simple, succinct reply to his straightforward request, and Fai might have relaxed into amusement at the unexpectedly easy, matter-of-fact response, but an equally unexpected press of lips against his neck dragged most of the air out of his lungs in a startled gasp instead of a breathy little laugh. It was hardly more than a soft peck, but it was a surprise and something utterly new and he wanted so badly that he shivered and clung to his newly made bondmate as if for life.

Large, calloused hands slid up his sides and over his arms, giving Fai an odd mixture of soothing and stirring sensations, and when his face was gently lifted up he thrilled from head to toe with anticipation. But when he tipped his head and stretched upwards for a proper kiss, those lips evaded his and pressed a kiss to his forehead instead. The blond slipped a hand from around the other's neck to touch his fingers to that spot, and sent a curious look upwards.

"Get dressed for bed," he was told with a fond smile, for all the world like a young child being shoo'd off to prepare for slumber, and the blond brows quirked up further. Fai thought he'd been pretty clear on what he wanted, and would have wondered if he'd flubbed his plea somehow without realizing, save that he could see a warmth in those red eyes that was _not_ paternal. It was new to see it in these red eyes specifically, but it was a familiar look all the same, and had much the same effect on him as when his husband turned it on him. Shoving aside perplexity for the boldness that that look granted him, Fai smiled, a bit playful, a bit nervous, and not a little bit impatient now.

"Couldn't I just get _un_ dressed for bed?" he asked curiously, - _hopefully,_ \- not really seeing the point of changing into a sleeping robe when he was looking forward to wakeful nakedness. Dark brows rose a bit and the smile broadened.

"If that's what you wish," the taller replied good-humoredly. "But I think it would be more pleasant if you were to let me take care of that for you." There was an amused twinkle in his eyes as he gazed down and he spoke the suggestion with an easy confidence that reflected no doubt about what his son-in-law would choose.

The mage blinked a few times and both pale hands went back to clutching at the Lord of Suwa's shirtfront, this time holding on for support instead of clinging for comfort. Fai hadn't thought very far ahead nor pondered on any details, and he had to take a moment to let the mental images clear before he could speak a reply. He swallowed and cleared his throat, but before he could speak, the man he was holding onto chuckled at his flustered state.

"You're not the only one yearning, kit," the dark-haired man said, dipping his head down to touch their foreheads together, nosing at Fai's upturned face. Blue eyes went wide and nearly crossed, and Fai barely heard the next words over the thundering of his pulse at the feel of the other man's breath against his lips, like ghosts of kisses.

"If this was only about sating the body, you wouldn't need me and I'd have never offered." The words were delivered in a low, growly purr that shivered down the blond's spine and almost stopped his heart along the way. "But what aches is the heart, and while I made you do the asking, there's comfort for me as well in this. If you don't like it, say so, but otherwise I mean to take my time with you."

"Oh," the mage replied faintly, and he was proud of himself for managing even that simple response. The _promise_ in that rich, deep voice and those blazing eyes overwhelmed him, and his knees almost buckled when he was let go. The usually quick-witted and nimble wizard swayed on his feet and had to think for a moment before he could even recollect the reason he was being let go and stepped away from, and then he gave himself a little shake and tried to focus on getting ready for bed.


End file.
